When I think about the future of my kids, one thing that consistently comes up is training them up during the years I have them in my home. Their biblical, moral and intellectual education. I want them to fall in love with learning. I want them to grasp the stunning beauty of nature and get excited about creating. Since our Creator did so much well in setting up the universe, laying out the celestial schedules, patterning biology to flourish, then I want them to reflect that understanding in their creative life journeys.

Below is a guest post by mightymoms.net giving ideas to supplement your kid’s education so that they can understand challenging school subjects. We hope you enjoy it!

Today, school teachers often teach uniformly and have dozens of students to keep tabs on. Problem children in schools can drain teachers and staff such that learning the wonder of our world is lessened. Parents who send their kids to school, and even homeschool parents, have the opportunity to help their kids understand difficult subjects outside the classroom. They can take the reins and help their kids learn in ways that are best suited to them, whether that’s visual learning, hands-on approaches, or practical application. Here are a few ways to enhance your child’s learning in different subjects.

Managing Math

According to Scholastic, mathematics can be a tricky subject for many people, but there are ways to teach practical math skills outside the classroom that can make school work less arduous. For example, kids can learn math skills by gardening, calculating space needed for the growth of different plants and flowers; a chore chart and corresponding allowance can help strengthen money management and budgeting skills, especially when implemented with a savings strategy or commitment to tithing. Kids can also learn basic math concepts through educational video games, thus, using a creative way to disguise learning as fun!

Promoting Scientific Discovery

There are numerous ways for kids to harness their scientific curiosity outside the classroom. Mommy Poppins recommends kitchen table science experiments, like building a potato clock, designing a volcano, or looking at mold spores under a microscope. Kids can learn about the natural world by identifying local flora and fauna on a nature walk, taking pictures of birds and learning about their habitats, or going to a natural history museum and not only exploring exhibits, but reading the placards that offer compelling insights. Caring for pets can also teach solid science skills.

Reading And Writing

Help your kids develop a love of reading by helping them select books that pique their unique interests. Read as a family, incorporate spiritual literature if you like, and have discussions after the fact to encourage critical thinking and analysis. Encourage kids to write stories, to interview older relatives and record their conversations, or explore a subject of interest by conducting research. Reading to others in a volunteer capacity – whether visiting people in assisted living or reading to younger siblings – can foster a sense of connection.

Encourage Creativity

You can encourage development of the creative side of your child’s brain by promoting a love of music, art, and creative pursuits. Enroll in a local art class, invest in crafting supplies, or support playing a musical instrument. Perhaps you can help your child make something with their hands, like a chessboard, and then teach them how to play the game as a way to promote strategic thinking. If cooking is a family event, learning new recipes, shopping for ingredients, measuring and following a recipe can all be learning experiences.

Embrace Immersive Learning

Sometimes the best path to learning is via total immersion in a subject. Maybe that involves attending a language camp or participating in a mission trip to a foreign land. Kids can be sponges when it comes to learning, and can often pick things up just by being involved. Make a point to travel to new places, try new foods, listen to unfamiliar music, and meet people from all different backgrounds. Not only does this help provide a broad education, it also leads to well-rounded kids who are respectful of the differences in the world around them. 

Model Lifelong Learning

Kids often emulate the adults around them, and as such, modeling a commitment to lifelong learning can have a positive impact, as well as encourage kids to embrace learning along the life spectrum. Consider continuing your own education, whether that involves ongoing training and professional development, or even returning to higher education for an advanced degree. Pursuing a degree in education, for example, can provide you with new marketable skill sets while also modeling good learning behaviors for your kids.

Learning is a great way to celebrate the Lord. As Luke 2:40 states, “The Child continued to grow and become strong, increasing in wisdom; and the grace of God was upon Him.”

Why Be Merely Human offers tips and insights into living, learning, loving, and worshiping together as a family. With powerful articles and access to resources, the blog serves as an inspiration to those looking to empower their families.

Emily Graham is the creator of Mighty Moms. She believes being a mom is one of the hardest jobs around and wanted to create a support system for moms from all walks of life. On her site, she offers a wide range of info tailored for busy moms —from how to reduce stress to creative ways to spend time together as a family.

Thank you, Emily from mightymoms.net for your guest article on supplemental learning for our children!

The post Helping Kids Learn, Inside and Outside the Classroom appeared first on Why Be Merely Human.

To counteract it, I played my heart out on the football field. I wanted to prove
that I could play football like the best of them, even though I had never
played. I eventually upgraded my glasses into contact lenses so I’d look much
cooler. And I formed alliances so that I’d have one or two other friends if the
bully came to try to embarrass me again. We united under a common frustration of
being bullied.

Now imagine that bully is a tiny, non-sentient virus. That bully is making its
way around the world, indiscriminately causing people to cough, get a heightened
fever and sometimes die.

That bully caused your neighbor to lose his job. Your child to miss out on her
16th birthday party she’s been planning for two years. That vacation that was
going to fill your sails again. Your kid’s graduation ceremony.

Or maybe, if you’re not that fortunate like my friends in Rwanda, you are not
able to work, not collecting any magical government relief funds, and not able
to put rice and beans on the table. Your kids are starving — to death. You are
hopeless and unable to work. Your neighbor committed suicide, and your friend is
getting hooked on alcohol.

Wherever you find yourself in 2020, you’ve probably felt the effects of one
bully you can’t see – the coronavirus. Then there is another bully you can’t
see – Satan. The Destroyer.

If you’re like me, you were waiting for this nightmare to just pass over, like
other sicknesses eventually did. But this pandemic is not giving up so easily.
Jobs are not coming back so quickly. The stock market is doing well, but who
knows that it isn’t gearing up for another crash. Protesters seem to have
unlimited time to plead their cause, while rioters are taking advantage of the
situations.

I don’t care which side of the political fence you’re on. I love the variety of
skin colors God made smiles and handshakes. I know a lot of people are angry,
and sometimes I get angry too.

But the first thing that matters is this: do you know Jesus? You might get to
meet your Creator sooner than you think. You must decide: were your 575
megapixel eyes (yes, you read that right), your hands that can learn to play the
piano, hammer in a nail, or massage someone’s back created for a purpose? What
about your mind, which deciphers a colossal amount of sensory input every second
then takes action on that?

Or perhaps these incredible inventions that you were
freely given were just a colossal, glorious accident that happened over an
unfathomable amount of time?

For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen,
being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and
Godhead, so that they are without excuse.

— Romans 1:20, NKJV

Without excuse! All the scientific journals from all the world’s evolutionary
scientists are not enough to cover you and grant you favor from God if you
denied Him on this earth. You must make up your mind, because you are without
excuse if you deny God and His Son, Jesus Christ.

If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that
God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.

— Romans 10:9, NKJV

Those who are already with Christ, thanks for bearing with me on that. Because
this next part is for you. I want you to fight more. But first, find the right
battle to fight.

Matthew 24:12 speaks to the End Times, and says:

And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold.

If you have looked at the news after March 2020, you will see clear lawlessness,
and an “increase of wickedness”.

It is not mine to say if these are the End Times. Maybe they are, maybe life on
earth will go on for another 1,800 years without seeing Christ’s return. So how
do we live today?

Jesus’ fighting started with the Word of God and prayer. He fought Satan’s
temptations by quoting scripture He had memorized. He soothed his deeply grieved
soul through communion with His Father, in prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane
(Matthew 26:36-46). His disciples could not keep watch with Christ for even an
hour before sleeping. They chose what was comfortable — sleep — over going to
battle in the prayer room. I have literally done the same, sleeping past an
alarm when I had committed to praying early morning with a friend over his
addiction to pornography.

Christ’s fight didn’t end there. Soldiers coming to arrest Jesus? Quick, draw a
sword and cut off a soldier’s right ear. Let’s rally and FIGHT and keep our
King Jesus from being taken!

This was not the time for a physical battle. Jesus surprisingly said, “No more
of this” and touched the soldier’s ear and healed him. He made right what His
disciples did without His permission; healing and surrendering to the plans of
His Father.

There was a time for fighting (David fought plenty for the LORD and His people),
but there was also a time for going with the flow, so to speak. Through
communion with God in prayer, Christ knew how to act.

Well then, what action can we take? The disciplines to learn are as follows:

Prayer

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication
with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of
God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds
through Christ Jesus.

— Philippians 4:6-7, NKJV

If prayer is not a consistent part of your day, start small. You don’t become a prayer
warrior in one day. Try praying for 2 minutes before or after something you already
do by habit, such as stretching in the morning. Get into a rhythm of doing that,
and see where your new habit takes you from there.

Self-control

Proverbs 25:28, 2 Timothy 1:7

There was a time a few months ago where it seemed I could not stop eating ice
cream. I steadily consumed news that stressed me out, watched TV shows because
there seemed to be not much else to do, and softened on my exercise routine
because the gym was suddenly closed.

That was fine for April of 2020, but not for August of 2020. I am a leader of
six children. Now is the time to fight back: lose the weight I had gained, firm
up the muscles I have let get flabby, make exercise that is fun to me a part of
my daily routine (biking, tennis, and occasional running). I do this so that I
can continue to lead God’s people (my children) and positively influence those
around me.

Generosity

In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help
the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is
more blessed to give than to receive.’

— Acts 20:35, ESV

Key words here: working hard, help the weak, give. We have found some incredible
opportunities to give, and guess what? We have gotten more physical blessing to
fill any gaps we had created. Giving doesn’t always work that way, it can cost
more than we expected to give. But in light of hard work, saving and stewarding
the physical blessings God gives, there has been plenty for my family and other
families to eat and be sheltered from some of the storm.

Think about what you have extra of. Time? A computer you aren’t using? Money?
Find ways to joyfully tithe and give in excess, and see how God showers
blessings of joy, peace and yes – perhaps even physical blessings back to you.

Outreach

In the past 3 years, I have had one neighbor commit suicide, one neighbor die
from cancer leaving his family with high-school age children, one neighbor
family divorce, and another neighbor flounder with adult relationships. Several
neighbors do not know the hope of Jesus. So it is right for me to hole up in my
house binge watching TV shows while my neighbors go without hope?

No, it is not. LORD, please forgive me. LORD, please give me opportunities to
share the hope and joy I have in You. LORD, please let my fire not be subtly
snuffed out by entertainment and ice cream.

LORD, awaken my heart to see as You do. Awaken my heart to be free from idolatry
and slavery to that which You would not have me be slave to.

Love, Understood by Action

In my mind, love is most visibly and powerfully painted on someone’s life when there is action behind it.
Giving of my time, energy, money in ways that most likely
will never return to me.

Start tiny, make it a persistent habit of giving. Give a dinner to someone
tired, give your time one evening to someone lonely, give some money to a group
like Open Doors and Christian Aid Ministries, where a meager \$30 can feed a
family for a month. Pretty incredible returns considering \$30 feeds just two
Americans for one night of food delivery!

I’m not saying food delivery is bad. I am saying that opportunity to bless those
around you in the name of Jesus is all around you. And you may be surprised at
the eternal fruit it produces.

Here’s the lesson: Use your worldly resources to benefit others and make
friends. Then, when your possessions are gone, they will welcome you to an
eternal home.

— Luke 16:9, NLT

Are you up for the challenge? I’d love to hear ideas and stories in the comments
below of how you or your friends are putting love into action for others in
2020!

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.

— 2 Corinthians 10:4, NIV

The post It is Time for the Fighter to Awaken in You appeared first on Why Be Merely Human.

Step 1: Work hard for four decades.

Step 2: Save up lots of dough.

How would I do this?  The normal way, of course.  I would get married to the love of my life, have 2.1 kids (can I round down?), get one or two house mortgages, and probably no dog – it would poop, and that’s no fun.  Two cars and of course, a garage with a remote control opener.  Add some internet-connected home automation and, voilà!  The dream beyond all dreams.

Or maybe not. After I spawned a boat load of children* I read about the FIRE movement – aka “Fiscal Independence, Retire Early”. I was hooked, reading blog entry after blog entry about how people like Mr Money Mustache and Jillian of Montana Money Adventures did life in an unusual, anti-cultural way – and retired early. Then I read about how they used this new freedom to…

:drumroll please:

…to work more! That’s right, Mr Money Mustache bought a building with cash, started a coworking space, created a small home-building business, fixed up houses, helped a family in Hawaii build their house while living like a loco local. As of 2019, Jillian of Montana Money Adventures is touring the world teaching people about FIRE, coaching and raising her children. In fact, Jillian mentored us for about 6 months – which triggered several bold work decisions that grew me some nice new chest hairs!  And my wife, well I think she got an inch taller and started pursuing her God-given talents in fresh ways through the process.

What’s crazy is that multiple FIRE bloggers get to their hard-earned “retirement”, and they don’t actually retire. Whoops, didn’t need to stash quite that much money.  Why?

Bottom line: FIRE bloggers who retire end up working fewer hours than before, but on more meaningful work.

WHOA. Could it be that God actually made us to do meaningful work, and to enjoy that work? And simultaneously not be burdened and stressed by that work? John 10:10, Matthew 11:28-30

Could it be that God did not intend all (or any?!) Christians to be stressed out, cash-strapped, mortgage-indebted and credit card-reliant for life? Addicted to experiences this month that have to be paid with the fruit of next month’s labors?

Disclaimer: I’m not a huge Dave Ramsey fan (pay off everything, as fast as you can, so you can then have more freedom). I’m also not a fan of a friend’s financial philosophy of “leverage everything” – have ties to lots of houses with as little equity as possible. I suppose I’m a fan of “in the middle” financial philosophies – such as having a good portion of equity in a house (30-70%), and as possible also have cash laying around to invest and earn money on the spread.  Spread meaning money gained between the interest you’re earning (hopefully high, like 7.5%) and the interest you’re paying (hopefully low, like the current 3.125% 15-year rate!)

That said, I am a huge fan of the Bible. I find much of it very challenging, but always worth the effort put into the wild walk of faith that is the application of God’s Word to my daily life.

Here’s a raw question to ask yourself: did God intend for man and woman to retire?

In the United States, modern day retirement philosophy was significantly impacted by the creation of Social Security in 1935, and the legislation that followed.  Social Security established the retirement age of Americans as the age of 65.  In 1935, it was not expected that most people would live far beyond 65, so this was a convenient date that older workers could get snubbed out of a job  humanely transitioned to a non-working state, making room for younger workers to move up the chain.

You may be surprised that not long before that, in the late 1800’s, about 75% of all males over the age of 65 worked.  And if they weren’t working, it was likely they were disabled!

Reading a brief timeline of retirement in the United States, it is apparent that there have been many hits and misses with legislation.  One law de-incentivized working at age 65 to help phase out an older workforce; decades later, work was again incentivized at age 65+.

Enough of the US history lesson.  What does the Bible say?  I find this passage from Luke 12:15-21 (NKJV) convicting:

And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.”

Then He spoke a parable to them, saying: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded plentifully. And he thought within himself, saying, ‘What shall I do, since I have no room to store my crops?’ So he said, ‘I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build greater, and there I will store all my crops and my goods. And I will say to my soul, “Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years; take your ease; eat, drink, and be merry.” ‘But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul will be required of you; then whose will those things be which you have provided?’

Poor rich dude.  He thought the “universe” gave him a break, decided to take it easy and lost his life – and worse yet his soul. Verse 21 puts the finishing touch on it:

So is he who lays up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.

Freaky. The man lost his soul because he had a mega cash stash (paraphased) and was not rich toward God. In a small way, I feel this when I give my children gifts, say for instance toy cars. One of my daughters has about 50 cars – she loves them, and gets them for any special event. When she is not willing to share even one with her siblings, I get a bit ornery.. “She has over fifty!  And can’t share one?  I’ll teach her a lesson and take all of them away, mwahaha.” I think to myself. But in her shoes, like I am with dollar bills (yes, I have over 50 dollar bills), I have the same tendency – to hoard rather than share.  And like my pastor wisely states, it doesn’t become easier to share (or tithe) when you get more money!  Quite the reverse.

What’s the end of all this? After learning from the Bible, other’s stories and six years of experimentation with various part-time work-life balances, I have developed several personal resolutions and conclusions.

• Oh my soul, stop itching for a “full retirement”, it only brings angst and a fizzle of disappointment if I have spent my work life vainly stretching to get there without purposeful work.
• I do not ever want to stop working entirely.  I want fruitful, enjoyable work that the Lord can provide me in every season of life.
• The most fruitful work I do may earn less than market wage, or even $0 per hour.  Dear self, do not measure work only by the amount of money generated per hour.  Measure work based on God’s kingdom value (spiritual fruit) and monetary value.
  • If it doesn’t have kingdom or monetary value, it’s not worth doing.
  • If it just monetary, then at least I am not worse than an unbeliever (check 1 Timothy 5:8).  Note, I believe most monetary work can have kingdom side effects – because we can worship God through our excellent work ethic, uplifting encouragement to others and our love for coworkers.
  • If it has kingdom and monetary value, woohoo!
  • If it is just kingdom value, that can still be work too.  I think of the work Paul did in prison – writing letters, worshipping God through song all while eating moldy bread and other stuff people do in prison.  Perhaps one day I will mentor people 60 years younger than me from the soft biscuits-and-gravy-eatin’ comfort of a nursing home.  Yeah, I may not be earning much money at the ripe old age of 92, but at least I can still bear positive results by what I say!
• Learn more about contentment.  Internalize it.
• Forget about what other people splurge on.  Find admirable things to splurge on, such as memorable family moments.  Or developing my children into godly, wise, healthy and smart people.  Or encouraging people who are in a rough spot through a tangible gift.
• Aim for being “freed up in life”, the sooner the better.  I do want a plan and financial resources to cover many years of inability to work, in case my wife or I cannot work due to disability, death or perhaps even adopting a large sibling group!
• DO work hard to generate time and money margin.  Guard it, but don’t hoard it – perhaps God has provided in one season what is needed to take stress off the next (Joseph and 7 years of storing up, Genesis 41:49) or to bless another generation.  Wouldn’t that be a gracious blessing from the hand of God?!  Proverbs 13:22
• BE generous!  I don’t have to die with the fattest wallet.  How much better if I die with a thin wallet but many friends who will greet me in heaven.  Luke 16:9
• Beware the trap of falling in love with money!  Money is powerful, but not the most powerful.
• Money is a tool.  Money is not my boss.  God is my boss.
• I will make strides daily and monthly to loose myself from debt and not generate more debt.

Thanks to some wise financial moves (shorter duration mortgages, refinances at the right time, selling real estate during an up market, hard work, spending less than I make), I am grateful to God to be in a season with financial margin.  I have roughly 4 years worth of living expenses if I were to stop working entirely, which I don’t ever want to do.  Or I could withdraw roughly $30K/year for the rest of my life and work to make up the rest.  So I continue to work while I am able, give back to God through the church, missions and other opportunities for generosity.  And through that I consider myself in a state of persistent semi retirement.

If I was in a stressful home season (as I am now!) and needed to spend more time with family, I could pay our monthly expenses from rent from our home’s basement apartment and 40 hours of work a month (not a week).  Praise the Lord!

If I was in a season with more time margin, I can work extra, save extra and be more generous with time and money.

What is a pure joy in this season is that I have been able to choose work that is more meaningful to me: serving my local church.  If I did not have time margin, I would not have been able to step in when my church most needed my skillset.  If I did not have financial margin, I would have felt strapped to work for the highest paying gig.  The result is that I get a gratifying job with people I love, doing work that I enjoy that serves the local church – my Father’s house.  And how great is that?

Praise God that in this last season we were able to clear the slate from jobs that didn’t fit into our plan for emotional, financial and time margin.  I’ll share more about that in another post.

What does “Semi-Retired For Life” or SRFL mean?  (SRFL is pretty catchy right?)  For me, it means being “unburdened”.  2 Timothy 2:4  I aim to wisely manage finances so that I have margin to share in areas I see God moving.  I prune my schedule from emotionally taxing, low-fruit-bearing tasks.  I am not over-extended so that I can be available to share the love of Christ in every season and every place I feel Him moving.

I can go on the wild ride that He has waiting for me.

Whew-whee… I am surprised and honored you read this far!

Does this get you pumped to experiment and generate margin in your life?  Any areas I should explain more?    Please comment, I’d love to hear about how this hits you!

*I actually have more than a boat load.  My inflatable boat only holds 6 people!

The post Why I Became Semi-Retired, for Life appeared first on Why Be Merely Human.

For example, in Luke 10:1-12, Jesus sent out people to prepare the way for His ministry.  “After these things the Lord appointed seventy others also, and sent them two by two before His face into every city and place where He Himself was about to go.”  He gave them a commission!  Let’s do some quick review of the context:

Now if you had a friend who said, “I’m going to a nearby city: Pueblo, Colorado.  I’m going to stay with a random family, have them feed me and heal the sick in the city.  Oh, and I will not bring any money or spare shoes…  Christ’s orders!” — you just might think that friend had gone nuts!  “That’s not your commission!”

The friend might then ask, “Did not Jesus say it?  And did not Jesus later say, ‘Obey all that I have commanded you?’ Matthew 28:20”

You would be wise to then reply, to whom did Jesus say it?  When was it commanded?  Was this command ever rescinded or modified?

You see, sometimes Jesus casts a broad net for who He is talking to, and sometimes a very specific one.  Makes sense.  Sometimes Jesus wants all people, present and future to obey His words.  For example, I believe “lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven” Matthew 6:19-21 is intended for all people, until the time when each person is in Heaven!  And sometimes Jesus wants a specific person or group of people to obey His words, for a certain time.  I think of Christ’s commission in Luke 10 to be a great example of this.

Later, Christ changed the commission a bit.  Read Luke 22:36 “He said to them, ‘But now let the one who has a moneybag take it, and likewise a knapsack. And let the one who has no sword sell his cloak and buy one.'”

Just like I can ask my child to do one thing, then change it a bit, so can Christ.

All this lead up produces the point of this article.  Put frankly,

God’s commission to “be fruitful and multiply” has not been rescinded or changed!

That’s right! Something God gave mankind in the very first chapter of the Bible, Genesis 1, is still in effect.  Cool!

How do I know this is so?  Same set of tools – exploring the context of Genesis 1:26-28:

Has God ever modified or rescinded this commission?  Not that I have ever read and recognized!  Have you?  If you are not sure, study it out and see what you find!

It only makes sense that the false gods of this world are set against God’s commission to be fruitful and multiply.  Abortifacient birth controls and other forms of abortion — ending life after it has started — are an abomination to God just as much as historically recorded false gods who required infant sacrifice.

But this anti-multiplication mindset comes in a more subtle form as well.  I used to work for an energy laboratory, and I had friends who sent out group emails about expecting a new baby into their family.  The shocker?  They literally apologized and were clearly somewhat embarrassed for having their second child.  Sure, they were excited about the baby.. but in the email they had to couch it as they were not doing the earth a favor by having more children.  Oh well, maybe they purchased some wind energy credits so they did not have to be embarrassed.

What?

When does God ever say, “Enough is enough!  All who follow me, stop having babies.  Or at least limit your babies to two.  The earth cannot handle it anymore.”  Never!  Nowhere!

The earth is hardly filled or at capacity!  Just travel to Kansas, Wyoming, Nunavut or Cape Verde to get a healthy dose of perspective on that.

Getting back to God’s Word.  What did God say?

Be fruitful and multiply.

My wife and I have found a lot of joy in learning to obey these simple words.  When you let the Word of God soak into your heart, setting aside “modern common sense”, the social stigmas and even the traditions of man — you will find simple ways to obey God.

Frankly, right now I consider my bed as much or more a place to worship God as my grand piano or the piano on stage at church.  That is, I regularly check in with God in prayer to say, “LORD, I do not want to have another pregnancy right now.  It seems that my wife’s body needs to heal, we want more space between babies, we don’t think we can handle another child now, (or other thing I am feeling). But even so LORD, You see better than I do.  My thoughts are not Your thoughts.. hallelujah for that!  I will trust You and give You the opportunity to have us begin a new pregnancy – or not.”

That is a hard prayer to say.  I am as honest as I can be in these prayers.  The last few days, I have prayerfully given our fertility to God in worship.  Then in the morning my flesh says, “what was I thinking?”  Then repeat again, imagine that!  That is worship — active, vulnerable, reaching to God with all the human emotion and recognizing He is good.  I do not always want to spawn another baby!  And yet I can still be honoring to God in it — I know you, God, can close wombs and control our fertility, so I offer you the control that I so eagerly wanted to take into my own hands.

A vulnerable question to ask: is birth control a sin?  After having 6 kids, enduring 8 miscarriages and seeking God’s face through it all, I would say, “not always.. it depends!”  Why do I say this?  Because “…whatever is not from faith is sin.” Romans 14:23.  Thus, I encourage you to explore your freedom and liberty in the LORD, explore God’s original commission in Genesis 1:26-28, pray and see how God is working in your heart.  I am learning that when I use birth control and when I give the decision of new life to God: either way, to have the decision shrouded in prayer and a faith response, not directed out of fear.

I have seen how He is so good to provide for His little ones, when we diligently work and steward resources.  Our family cup is overflowing in so many ways!  For example, God has given us an enduring amount of delicious food, plentiful house space and even time away from work to raise our children.  In this season, I work only 10-15 hours a week to meet our financial needs.  The rest of the time is family time, entrepreneurial experimentation and time serving at church!  WOW!  What a blessing to have a front row seat at home and the time to see my children grow up.  Feels like that is the way God intended it to work!

The end is this: through it all, I have found that God provides bountiful joy along the path to multiplying, even in the sorrow.

God is good.  H e   I s   G o o d

The post Be Fruitful and Multiply – Still in Effect, or Just an Old Commission? appeared first on Why Be Merely Human.

Click to download!

My kids are pretty handy with paper crafts.  Recently, my son could not find how to build a 3D cross online.  So he just made his own – go homeschool!

Here’s a cool design for a 3D paper cross craft.. just in time for Resurrection weekend! Download the paper craft then watch the video to see it assembled!

The post Free 3D paper origami cross craft appeared first on Why Be Merely Human.

I am with you.  Turns out about 210 million… yes, m i l l i o n  of us today are addicted to the internet and its capabilities.1

Who created the internet?  And are we as a society becoming slaves to the internet, or are we using its master?

I still remember the first few emails I sent and received, with my dad’s help, through America Online.  Back then, it cost per the minute to get online, so we made good use of the time we had.  (And I practiced the piano and did my chores to earn my internet time!)  As a kid, I connected with an “electronic pen pal” about my age, and we exchanged many emails. My dad sent emails to researchers and doctors, and as novel as email was back then, they would courteously reply!

Fast forward 21 years, and most of us are constantly bombarded by electronic stimulus. Today at a social gathering, I took note that several of my friends would hold their phone in their hand while talking – just in case something came in for them, they wanted to check the time, see a sports score, check out a tweet.

Choose your favorite topics and you can get a continuous stream of information and advertisements.

Mountains of Messenger messages! A plethora of pings! Torrents of tweets! A deluge of ding dongs! (Well, at least the ding dong sounds)

What is a person to do? Here are 13 ways I have found to cut out the endless cacophony, slow down and…

feel the wonders of being human again

1. Get Out in Nature

Being in and around nature is uniquely restorative.  Try going to a small mountain city and talk with the locals.  Are most of the people stressed or relaxed?  Repeat with a big city environment with less access to nature.

People pay a steep price to get homes that are in nature, especially if they are near enough a city where they can commute for work.

But you do not need a high price house to enjoy nature, nature is all around you.  When my family gets out into nature, we are refreshed in a way that is impossible by staying in the house.  Nature is constantly refreshing itself – life and death, sunlight and rain, burning and regrowth.  Being in nature is one of the best ways to reconnect with your Creator.  And being on technology is one of the best ways to become depressed.  So go refresh yourself!

By taking a long and thoughtful look at what God has created, people have always been able to see what their eyes as such cannot see: eternal power, for instance, and the mystery of his divine being. Romans 1:20 The Message

2. Mind your Dopamine Loops

You’ve heard of Fruit Loops, now it’s time to hear about dopamine loops. The latest research on dopamine indicates that dopamine starts you seeking for something, with the reward when you find something, prompting you to seek more. Check your email and have something new? Pick up your phone and find a new text message? The dopamine loop has started powning you.

How to break it? https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brain-wise/201209/why-were-all-addicted-texts-twitter-and-google says turning off as many auditory and visual cues as possible is the best way to prevent and break dopamine loops.

I would add a little trick I learned from a book for breaking habits or negative self thoughts. Find a pattern you want to break, such as picking up your phone every few minutes to check if you received a new message. Make and write down a plan for when to check your phone, such as every 30-60 minutes when you are taking a natural break from work or home activities.

Now, put a rubber band around your wrist. Every time you find yourself doing something you don’t want to (such as picking up your phone while you’re working), snap the rubber band against the inside of your wrist. This alerts your body to some discomfort and will help you break the negative cycle rather than indulging it (picking up the phone to find the information).

3. Turn Off Sound and Pop Up Notifications Everywhere Possible

mohamed_hassan / Pixabay

I work on the computer the entire day, creating web and mobile applications for a living. I email, chat, text, video conference and carry about all sorts of communications all day long. It’s business, so I need to be notified right away when someone contacts me, right? Then respond in a neurotic efficiency like a game of ping pong till my opponent finally drops the ball? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I learned from Dan Ward, a dear mentor and author with incredible work ethic that one does not HAVE to have their dings and their dongs constantly ringing all day. (On second thought, I do not mind if on-call emergency room doctors have sound notifications, but most of us aren’t ER docs so this still applies) Just turn off the sounds and notifications! And when you’re finished with your current round of thinking and doing, the apps will be there for YOU to check, instead of for IT to nag and distract you.

In my life, I mute group threads (you know the ones where everyone replies for the next hour with emojis), and I even mute my wake-up alarms, because I find the vibration is enough to wake me up.

4. Unsubscribe from Marketing Emails

If you’re like me, every 10 minutes or so some new email comes in. Did you know that email marketers have algorithms about the best time to steal your attention from you? I put that negatively, but when it comes to guarding your mind from marketing attacks, emails are a very challenging battlefront.

The cure? Click unsubscribe often! You don’t need to be on email lists. Look, I like getting a free buy one get one free burrito every now and again, but it turns out most of the emails I get from my favorite tex-mex place are just noise. I do like the freebies, but I like a sane inbox too. What are you willing to give up to allow marketers and services to infect your eyes and brain with unnecessary noise?

Can’t stop Facebooking? You can adjust notifications down to only the most important notifications to you. This one is “hard” for me; for instance when I turn off most/all notifications on Facebook, I find myself not going back very often. I “catch up” on some people I care about every month or so, and the rest of the time, I just know that lots of people are yakking while I am enjoying some internal peace and calm.

Ahhh, now isn’t that nice.

5. Check your Email Less Often

Alexas_Fotos / Pixabay

Good news! Unless you work for the New York stock exchange, you can probably get away with checking your email only 2-4 times a day! This one varies, but if you’ve turned off email notifications, you can wander over to email at convenient times for you. Plan for productivity, then plan for brain breaks to check email and do some responses. You are not on call to email all day, every day. What chains can be freed by giving yourself focus on what matters to *you*, not what matters to other people and businesses (their emails to you)!

6. Out and About?  Leave Your Phone in the Car

I have grown to love leaving my phone in the car at social gatherings. Surprise surprise, most of the time I don’t *need* my phone. So, I think through who might contact me, whether I’m with the most important folks who I want to be available for (like my wife and kids), and what the cost of being out of touch for 1-2 hours will be. I even figure on missing a picture or two. Too bad, so sad. Most of the time I find I can be without my phone for at least 30 minutes, upwards to 2 hours and the world will keep revolving. So I leave my phone in the car for social events, and I am freed up to be with the people who matter most to me!

7. Eat Without Moving Around

Alexas_Fotos / Pixabay

This one is simple to explain, but hard to do in practice. Eat sitting down, while you’re not moving. Think about the taste of your food, your enjoyment and thankfulness for the food you have, breathe deep and enjoy eating. If you have to multitask, you might even read something or talk with a family member while eating your meal! Fancy that.

8. Just Breathe

I found very useful some practical advice a dear pastor friend gave to me. When you are feeling stressed, take a deep breath in, and hold it for 3 seconds. Then breathe out, and say to yourself one of these paraphrased Bible verses:

“When I feel stressed, I remember: God gives His peace to me” (John 14:27)
“The peace of God will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7)
“I cast my anxiety on God, because He cares for me!” (1 Peter 5:7)
“The Lord is my helper. I will not fear. What can man do to me?” (Hebrews 13:6)

Rinse and repeat a few times.

9. Exercise in Practical Ways

If you monitored my life, you would find that I am on the computer a lot. I find taking breaks critical (I use the pomodoro system for managing my time, it has helped improved productivity immensely). When I feel myself getting too much like “sludge in the matrix” (aka “daddy has computer face”), I like to mix things up by exercising in practical ways. That means I will take on a house fix-up chore, and do little exercises along the way. This allows me to be productive while getting my body in motion. I come back to the computer feeling energized and ready to take on some more of the matrix (which for me is programming for the web).

10. Keep Hydrated + Eat More Veggies

A great way to feel human is to drink a glass of water when waking up. And eat an incredible amount of veggies during the day. I enjoy meat proteins as well, but delicious veggies + water clears my body to function at peak capacity.

New to eating veggies? Get some tasty olive or avocado oil, some pink salt if you can, and lightly cook the veggies. Scrum-diddilly-umscious, and your body will thank you by shedding weight and giving you new energy!

11. Give Yourself Downtime Without Electronics

Take a bike ride, read a book, go on a walk, stare at the sunset. It is okay. You and your soul were meant to do these things at a slower pace. And if you can do without, leave your phone somewhere. Ending the evening talking with a spouse, reading a book, listening to the audio Bible in the YouVersion app – all will help you slow down and breathe. Ending the evening with an action movie, Facebook gossip and the like will leave you with discontentment and a daze, if you are anything like me!

12. Sleep Without Your Phone

It used to be your stuffed animal got all the attention in the evening.. or as a grown up, your spouse. Now that those computers in your pocket called a phone can do so much, like turning the lights off, it is tempting to have them near you all the time.

I own a vacation rental in Denver, and I found that the security notifications were giving me a dose of stress every night as I went to bed.  I had to move the phone away from me – still able to hear notifications if someone broke into the house while no one was there, but far enough away such that I could sleep better.

Get some physical separation, light a candle near your bed, do some reading.. see how you can detach from the matrix while you sleep!

13. Power Down Alexa and the Dick Tracy Watch

First off, voice recognition technology is incredible. Smart watches can do amazing things. But don’t you think a smart watch is a little like a handcuff? Chaining you to more technology?  I watched a waitress once who had to fiddle with her watch to tell the time.  It is even funnier when a smart watch runs out of battery – what is it useful for then?  If you need a watch, consider one that always tells the time – not just when you touch it!

Thinking about having a voice device in your house?  Think about the mental overhead of having everything that you say scanned and interpreted by some electronic device.  Does it make you smarter or just make you forget things more since you can always ask some attentive knowledge fairy the answer to your questions?

Just… unplug the cords and simplify.

Lest I be labeled a luddite, let me tell you that I enjoy technology in use for a life-giving purpose. I am around technology all day for my work. Perhaps that is why I like to unplug, or perhaps being married to Mrs. WBMH is why I like to – she has taught me that doing electronics all the time is a drag. I know as a single guy, I rarely had an evening where I felt satisfied – technology just slowly zapped my energy till I went to sleep late.

So friend, sit up, unplug and find ways to enjoy your life more!

The post 13 techniques for feeling human again appeared first on Why Be Merely Human.

First off: I like to work on my finances, so much so I review them every day and make tweaks.  It is a balance for me – if I become obsessed with money and “early retirement”, I am near to greed and the love of money.  If I become apathetic,not reviewing investments and my account transactions, then inefficiencies and extra expenses can creep in that cost me thousands of dollars a year.  Either way, the Bible says it is wise to know the state of your finances.  (Long ago, your wealth was largely measured by the flocks you owned.)

Know well the condition of your flocks,
and give attention to your herds,
for riches do not last forever;
and does a crown endure to all generations?

Proverbs 27:23-24, ESV

Thus, I geek out with spreadsheets and online data accumulators, something I learned long ago from my father who took advantage of spreadsheets back in the day when you had to start programs by typing in a command.

When my bride and I decided we had had enough of the “raising little kids in a big city” life, we were eager to make a wise financial move with our current home in Denver.  We embarked on testing out the home vacation rental phenomena.  I had read how Mr. Money Mustache saved for early retirement, and I saw specifically that renting out a prior owned home was a turning point in his financial history.  While it would add hassle and financial burden upfront, I was eager to get savings and investments moving more than just “on paper” through stocks.

Setting up the Vacation Rental

Stocking up on Vacation Rental Supplies

First, I thought through the business aspect of turning our Denver metro house into a vacation rental.  Will it make financial sense?  How would it differ from a typical rental?  Is it legal with the HOA, the county and city?  Check, check and check!

Financial sense – we had a low-interest mortgage with about $120K remaining on it and about 13 years, on an initial purchase price of $189K in 2009.  We refinanced to 3.125% when we saw rates lowering and the opportunity to take years (and probably $80K of interest) off our mortgage – praise God we could see this low rate condition and move on it!  We refinanced to a similar payment (due to the lower interest rate on a 15-year vs 30-year) and about a $950 payment for our home.  Our home at the time would have rented for about $2,200, and I estimated a vacation rental would bring in about $4,500 per month.  After the first year, turns out the average was closer to $3,100 due to high winter months vacancy, and perhaps also the slower traction on reviews (and thus consumer hesitancy) when you first start up a rental.

Setting up the Denver house for vacationing

I checked local ordinances, and after weeks of hunting down the proper people and reading lots of local guidelines and news articles, I found we were living in a pocket of unincorporated land that had fewer rules and where vacation rentals were permitted – though uncommon – in 2017.

Once we were past that hurdle, we started looking at companies to help navigate the vacation rental waters.  We looked at direct methods (AirBNB, VRBO, HomeAway) and managed methods (Turnkey VR, Evolve Vacation Rental, etc.)  I settled on Evolve Vacation Rental after comparing a few options.  While performance has not been much more than a traditional rental (I’m still working on improving returns), I have learned PLENTY of lessons on remote vacation rental management I will share with you someday soon.

Buying the New House

Fireside Bible reading at the new house

We scoped out a house in Colorado Springs to buy.  The new home was listed at $360K, and due to some competitive bids and how well the house fit us, we offered full price with 20% down.  I looked at several ways to put a down payment on the house.  Since plenty of our money was tied up in the Denver house, I looked at the option of a home equity line of credit.  After plenty of spreadsheet planning and comparisons, I decided on Pentagon Federal’s interest-only ELOC.  This allowed me to put a 20% down payment from the equity in the first house, and because I was still living in the Denver home when I applied for the ELOC, I was able to get their lowest rate as a homeowner!  I was open and honest with Pentagon Federal, and as long as I closed on the ELOC while still living in the Denver house, I was clear to keep their homeowner rate (prime + 0%).  At the time this was 3.75%, but in mid 2018 has now climbed to 5%.

Moving Day! With some help moving the piano

This allowed us to do a huge initial draw on the ELOC of $72K and close with zero out of pocket costs.  The monthly interest cost was about $300, and it was on us to pay down principal if we ever wanted to.  They also had an attractive same-rate option, but with cashflow and the requirement to cover both mortgages on my salary (with no vacation rental considered), I wanted a low monthly payment.  If I had a traditional long-term renter lined up for my Denver house, I could have used that in the mortgage company’s calculations.

Skipping the PMI

I have a friend in the Denver area, Will Duffy, who has a well thought out, counter-cultural book on mortgages.  I say counter-cultural because folks like Dave Ramsey will encourage you to go through hoops to pay down your house quickly, while Will Duffy makes a case for taking on some PMI / having little equity in your home so you can invest the money instead.

I opted for somewhere in between – I hate PMI with a passion, and do whatever I can to avoid it.  Our first house we had PMI for about one year before we had saved enough (about $20K) to lump sum pay down the mortgage to an 80% loan to value point.  And on this new home in Colorado Springs, I wanted to avoid PMI.  Could I have made up the difference by investing?  Possibly.  But, to me, it seemed right to do a 20% down payment.  And, a house purchase offer with a traditional loan and 20% down will seem more solid to the home seller than a 5/1 ARM, 5% down etc.

It was a bit of a wild ride making this financial maneuver happen.  If I had to do it again, I would have started the ELOC process earlier, as it took about 5 weeks for our process, which is longer than a typical closing process.  However, after 18 months in of having this ELOC, it has provided some nice buffer for having a lower emergency fund than I’d normally have, and some more money in investments.  I am not a fan of having $20K in the bank, because the bank doesn’t do much with my money.  So, I have started saving emergency funds into a WealthFront tax-loss harvesting account for that rainy day, while maintaining $5-10K in cash reserves in our checking account.  Oh, and we don’t have a savings account – too much hassle for us to switch money back and forth, and the interest rate on the savings account amounts to perhaps $3 more at the end of the year.

Using our ELOC as a Savings Account

One thing Stace and I have been trying the last 3 months is having our savings accounts and emergency funds stored in the ELOC.  Since the down payment for the new house was the initial draw on the ELOC, we can put extra cash in the ELOC to pay it down and have “virtual savings accounts” – vacation savings, Christmas savings, college/wedding savings for the kids, and a general emergency fund. While this requires a spreadsheet to properly track the value of each  accounts, it also means we get a guaranteed 5% return on our money while it is in the ELOC.  This beats the checking rate of 0.01% by 500X!  This also means that when we have cash windfalls or too much in our checking account, we transfer it to the ELOC.  At a 5% rate, every $10,000 we stash in our ELOC will save us a whopping $1.37 a day in interest!  ($10,000 * 0.05 / 365)

That’s how we did it – bought our second house with equity from our first, while turning our first into a vacation rental money maker.  Have you considered this strategy?  I’d love to hear about it in the comments!

The post How we bought our second home with equity and no PMI appeared first on Why Be Merely Human.

How do I best spend my one life?

One of my primary life goals is to glorify God with the way I live. Pointing others to Him, because He alone is worthy of my sustained worship. In fact, the Bible says, “precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints.” (Psalm 116:15) Have you ever thought about that? Why would the death of His saints be precious to Him? I believe it is because God then can welcome us into His presence, where tears, pain, suffering all vanish for the splendor of being with the King. He can finally “restore, confirm, strengthen and establish” us after the suffering that we were subjected to unwillingly, for His sake (1 Peter 5:9-10, Romans 8:18-21).

How do I know this restoration and union, called heaven, will be good? Like, not Chuck E Cheese pizza party good, but really, really good? As in, retreat to a remote mountain cabin with my wife for a week good?

In short, I am sure it will be good because I know the beauty of union with my wife. We are eager for time together. It is a joy, and not a burden. We help restore each other through friendship, laughter, evening back rubs, sharing a meal together.

I believe a wondrous marriage reflects that of Christ and His Church. My bride is delicate yet strong, sweet yet bold. She is beautiful, and when I see her, I want to take pictures of her and to be joined with her. I cannot escape those urgings because being together is never enough. I always want more. I always come back for more. She is that good of a gift.

And if she is a wondrous gift to me, how then can her Creator be any less wondrous? Surely His glory will be more incredible than I can imagine.

Solomon in the Proverbs used the analogy of “drinking water from your own cistern” to refer to “getting plenty” from the physical union with your spouse such that you are no longer thirsty.

Heaven is the eternal union of Christ to His body, the Church

And THIS is why I know heaven will be marvelous. Because I know that the physical, emotional and spiritual union found in sex is but a dim reflection of the union we will have with Christ in heaven!

In my marriage, after 10 years I have found that sex only gets better. I am not talking about gimmicks and toys, or bringing in movies or other things people create to try to ‘enhance’ sex. I am talking about giving when I don’t think I have anything left to give. A long, exhausting day, but somehow I have enough to give a back massage, which then leads to a warm bed and exhaustion. The day is over. Add to that some audio Bible as my wife and I fall asleep, and we have what I consider to be a perfect ending to the day.

No one, nothing else will do

My wife and I have exclusive, full access to each other’s bodies. We drink water from our own cistern (aka, an underground reserve of water). We are one. I cannot get the connection that I need from a website, a grocery store magazine or another woman. My wife can’t get physical satisfaction from others. This is exclusive satisfaction – no one, no thing other than each other will do. Sound familiar?  To me, this physical union reminds me that I can only be whole in Christ.  No one, nothing else will do but Christ to satisfy my soul and quench my thirst. John 4:14

And in this ever more satisfying sex is found a dim shadow of heaven, of that uniting with Christ. I hope – indeed expect relationship with God to be like this, only way better. We can gaze at a holy, undefiled union of a man and his wife, and anticipate from its reflection God’s joyous plan for union with His bride, the body of Christ.

Friendship with Christ gets richer as I experience with Christ the pain, suffering and surprise joys of this crazy, unpredictable life. When I am tempted to think that the only happiness and joy is found in carefully orchestrated convenience and comfort, the Word of God shakes up my expectations and reminds me that suffering is a part of the Christian walk. (1 Peter 4:13)

And, that is OK. It has to be! For if I do not trust God’s plans for me, whose plans would I be subscribing to? God’s plans are not stable and comfortable, but they are good. If you think otherwise, look at God’s plans for His own Son on earth. Unpredictable. Messy, but glorious and literally earth-shaking! Matthew 27:51

In Heaven, I will find ways to more wholly give up my heart in worship to the Timeless One, each time of worship getting better and richer. Because God is glorious and worthy, and I find my identity in reflecting His strength and beauty. His unworldly courage and love. He knows me better than I can imagine, and praise God, He is working on a permanent home for me.

Heaven is not boring, but self-led pursuits are

Dear friends, we have to stop buying into the lie that our heaven citizenship will be boring, while pursuit of our own pleasures on earth will be fulfilling. We have it entirely backwards. Heaven will be better than the best sex we have ever experienced. And it will keep rocking. And the pleasures on earth that man has created will fade away as we retrain our hearts and minds to focus on Christ, and enjoy what He has given us to enjoy. The cycles of life, the appeal and elegance of a wife, the strength and surety of a husband, the undefiled marriage bed, the joy and innocence of children. Indeed, every good and perfect gift is from above. James 1:17

God’s plans for our lives are not boring. When I hear of the adventures of missionaries and those given to God’s good work, in whatever form He has provided, I find anything but boredom. I find struggle and pain, but of a kind that makes excellent stories of God’s faithfulness. When you are old, do you want to have your grandchildren on your lap (if you are so fortunate to have them), telling them stories of God’s faithfulness in your life? Or would you rather find yourself alone, eating pureed carrots in regret of the life you spent in selfish indulgence, not following the ways of Christ?

As I write this, I am 30,000 feet in the air on a flight back home from a business trip. As I glance between the seats and see someone’s screen, I see a TV channel devoted to lusting after consumption, and that is boring. All I have seen in an hour of glances at that channel is pictures of people who are on a cruise or beach, smiling and consuming food and drinks. I think of the verse, “many live as enemies of the cross of Christ… their god is their stomach.” Do not buy into the life of self-indulgence at the expense of the grand, adventurous life Christ is offering. Philippians 3:18-21:

For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

Now friends, go and live a life worthy of the calling which you have received!

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Perhaps they should be sent off somewhere as 2 year olds and come back as mature, loving 22 year olds that make us proud?

If you don’t enjoy being around your children, you are not alone.  We were talking with a neighbor the other day with two pleasant, seemingly well-behaved children.  She could not wait for school to start again, because she could not stand being around her children the whole day.  Stace and I were shocked at her confessing this in front of her children, because her and her children seem happy, and they all seem to be “chill” – getting along well together.

A lot of my selfishness was burned out of me during the first three children.  By the time our third child arrived, Stace and I’s lives had shifted to primarily about raising children, devastatingly (it seemed at the time) pushing aside our “self realization”, our “I can do anything anytime that I want” complex and our arbitrary life goals that we thought had significant meaning.

The wonder of children is that they are a long-term investment.  Many people wish that they had more (or any) children on their lonely death bed, or when their one child dies before they do and they realize their name is not passed on.

The question is – are we going to live life God’s way, or the world’s way?  Satan is incredibly deceptive, making us think that true freedom and joy comes in self pursuits.  We need to drop that philosophy before it causes us to waste our lives on single-minded pursuit of careers and visions of luxurious, lazy retirement days.  At the loss of the joy of a heritage of godly children.

1. Get over your self as soon as possible

In my experience, selfishness is the greatest initial robber of joy having children.  Life with my first child was like this: “Oh, that’s nice, but I can’t leave the house anytime I want.  And I need to support my wife more, because suddenly she can’t do everything for herself.  Woe is me, I’m going to have to drop my ‘sit on the couch and watch any movie I want’ habit.”

Yes, children are dependent.  The first 7 years or so, they give back primarily in joy and laughter (if you can figure that out and receive the gift!)  After that, they can start pulling their own weight in terms of chores, cleaning up after themselves, and being involved in some of their own hobbies and pursuits.

When Stace and I had one then two children, it was harder to let go of self pursuits, hobbies and degrees we thought were a life direction.  But God had a different plan for our lives as our hobbies started to fade away and we realized our life for the next decade or more would be about raising children who love God and love others.  And that is CRAZY hard work.  But CRAZY profitable, in the spiritual realm and the joy realm.

See, when I lived on my own in a small apartment in Rome, New York, I had every belonging I wanted.  A 4WD Jeep Grand Cherokee, a huge-screen 50 inch TV, plenty of government-paid travel.  But I was sorely missing meaning and joy in life.  I didn’t have a strong relationship with the Lord, though He was pursuing me by removing the “joy” I used to have with stuff.

God gave me a wife and now children, and my response must be humility, thankfulness and joy.  Because why would I want the opposite of those?  Pride, self-centeredness, ingratitude and discouragement?  No thanks!

How do we accomplish this?  Only through life abiding in the Lord, of course!

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4, ESV

Here’s another good one – think of your children as your nearest neighbors!

Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.  1 Corinthians 10:24, ESV

2. Learn to enjoy the mundane things

It took me about four children in until I learned to enjoy diaper changes.  Changing your kid’s diaper is at first weird, then humiliating, then burdensome and tiring.  And I have had all sorts of other reactions.

But you know what?  Your little guy is in his most needy season of life with YOU!  God gave him only you and your spouse to keep him alive!  These little guys and gals are SO dependent!  And that can make you feel super valuable and critical to her life if you realize it.

How can diaper changes be enjoyable?  Well, I change diaper time into special ‘close’ time with my kids.  Diaper changes with my 3 year old have turned from “yeck, I can’t believe I’m still changing diapers for children after 7 years” to special time.  I create silly names for my daughter when I’m changing her, then use those silly names to make the time more enjoyable.  For example, my 3 year old I call “boomba”, so I call her variants of that (“boomp boomp”, “boompa”), and I have even heard songs that have similar beats that I then make into her “theme song”.  This makes diaper changes fun and positive instead of dwelling on how, after two full cycles around the sun, my daughter could still need me to give her a wipe.  Focus on the person, and how you can enjoy that person, instead of on how “unfair” it is, or whatever.

I tend to also do silly things to my kids and tickle during diaper changes (after all, most of their pee has already been discharged by the time you’re changing the little squirt  Being a guy, I also talk to my 1 month old son in a way that pokes fun at bodily fluids.  This helps me keep a diaper change in the proper perspective – having a light-hearted, servant heart toward my children.

Helpful?  Would love to hear in comments how you have learned to enjoy diaper times!

3. Expect to have to be flexible

As an extension to learning to give up on your ambitions…  { insert 7 hour break brought on by children needing me to cook breakfast }  Hmm, where was I..

Ah yes, expect to be

{ insert another 27 day break, the kids are at the grandparents now and I have time to continue writing }

Maybe now I’ll finish?  Ha!  What a great place to be interrupted and not have margin to finish this article.  I will work on this as the Lord allows, with open hands working on side projects as the Lord provides margin and energy for them.

The caution here: if you are not flexible in your desires and goals, then there will constantly be friction between your children’s physical, emotional and spiritual needs and your desires.  If you “throw all to the wind” and focus on their hearts and the awesome challenge God has given you by giving you children, I trust that you will be more emotionally healthy as a family.  It is hard work.  It requires consistent replenishment.

4. It’s your responsibility to find ways to replenish yourself

As a caretaker, YES – you need to “take care of yourself”.  You need to “fill your passion bucket”, as Bill Hybels puts it.  So, what are ways you can be replenished?  Perhaps seeking out a godly older mentor?  Perhaps taking an early morning walk to commune with God and enjoy quiet?  If you just can’t catch a break to do anything on your own, try out a “divide and conquer” strategy.  Your spouse take some kids, you take some kids and have some special “date time”.  Nearly always this ends up with smiles on everyone’s faces in our house, whereas “yet another night at home” without a vision for an enjoyable evening can tend to make us wear on each other in less than desirable ways.

As a leader in your family, it is up to you to work on replenishing yourself.  You cannot wait until others decide it is their ministry to replenish you.  You must be seeking this out constantly, constantly “topping off”, as the demands of your children’s needs continue.  You must be aware of God’s plans for replenishment (communion with Him, community living, service) and Satan’s plan for discouragement (deceptive lies, television, Facebook “comparison mind games”, self centeredness).  Expect a battle in your heart on these areas, and be prepared by putting on God’s full armor (Ephesians 6:10-18).

These may seem like contradictory points.  How does replenishing yourself match up with my advice to get over your self?  True replenishment is found in God.  Thus, taking care of yourself is akin to letting God love on you.

He must increase, but I must decrease.  John 3:30, ESV

When He increases in our life, we find fruits of the Spirit abound.  We “abide” in Him – see John 15.  His love wraps us, if we invite it and let God do His work in our life.

When we increase (our self life), we find it harder to have joy, peace and love with our children.  We focus on our self life, our goals, and don’t let God replace His goals.

I will end on this:

Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.  Malachi 2:15, ESV

The child bearing and rearing years will not last forever.  Or so I am told, ha!  My wife and I have not yet reached the days past changing diapers in 9 years of marriage, with our first child being born 12 months in to marriage.  Ecclesiastes speaks of different seasons – so work through this season strongly.  Be brave.  Be courageous.  Be strong.  Proverbs 24:10

The post Secrets to enjoying your children more appeared first on Why Be Merely Human.

Have you ever heard crazy things come out of people’s mouths regarding children?  I sure have, and each time we hear it, it just sinks in a little deeper and becomes the norm:

We checked over our budget, and we think we could afford another kid in 3-4 years, if we really save.

I don’t want to be a burden on the earth.. so we are stopping at two kids.

You sure have your hands full!

Are all those your children?

(Then comes the look that says we have been naughty and irresponsible.)

Mrs. WBMH and I have “back pocket” responses to some of the comments.  Random stranger: “You sure have your hands full, don’t ya sweetie?”  Mrs. WBMH: “Yes, full of good things!”

My wife and I joke all the time about the comments we get at the grocery store Trader Joe’s just about every time we make our normal weekly shopping run, which typically fills two carts to the brim:

“You must be having a big party – what fun!”

“Are you stocking up for.. like.. a month?”

Or one of our favorites that we laugh at, from a fellow shopper, “::disgusted grunt:: Can your refrigerator even store all that food?”

If you are married, where are you at with kids and building your family?  If you are having your first – congratulations!  You are taking a huge leap of faith in God’s provisions for you in the areas of wisdom, your emotional and physical energy, your finances and your sleep!  If this is your second, third, or even tenth as one of my friends is readying for, then you already know many of the ways God provides and are on a path of faith and endurance with Him.

Yes, children are a reward.  If you are having more children than your peers and coworkers (likely 1 or 2), then you may be fighting some weird feelings of guilt or even embarrassment.  Well, good news for Christians.  Having more than 1 or 2 kids is OK, dare I say, even wonderful?!  Keep up the good work!

Comparing what God says, what people say and what the righteous man says about family

For your consideration, here are some of the crazy things I have heard from people who don’t know God (and some that do), contrasted to what God says and what the righteous man says.

Christian family building – a heritage from the Lord

What is the end of this?  “The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” Ecclesiastes 12:13

And what does God say about children?  They are a blessing, a reward for the God-fearing family.  God’s children’s children (these are your children!) are God’s way of spreading His love around the world.  Of creating more ambassadors, “as though God were making His appeal through us” (2 Corinthians 5:20).  Children are a heritage of righteousness and joy!

Here is a free audio resource (MP3 file, session 2) that grew my heart’s understanding in several ways about God’s plan for family, from visionaryfam.com.  If you’re interested in more, Job’s mind-blowing first response to adversity has more audio resources from this group.

Party on, my friends!

* God desires for us to be good stewards of our resources, and he has called us to subdue and fill the earth!  We can do both well!  Don’t be fooled into thinking you can only do one well.  That’s the world talkin’.

The post “My, your hands are full!” A casual intro to Christian family building appeared first on Why Be Merely Human.