Should I homeschool my children?

Homeschooling in America is an enigma, surrounded by myths that are perpetuated by people who have never attempted to homeschool. Not that I fault them, for we all have a picture in our minds of what school is, and what it should be. But rarely do we take the time to think about what it could be. 

It’s easy to come up with lots of ideas as to why we SHOULD NOT homeschool. I’m sure you can make your own list. “I’m not smart enough to be a teacher” or “I just don’t have it in me” seem to be popular. Don’t worry, we won’t judge – those were on our list as well!

There are also lots of reasons as to why we SHOULD homeschool, but I’m not here to list those, either. You can find another article for that!

I want to take a different approach to helping you decide. I think most people have a difficult time taking the leap into homeschooling because they simply don’t know enough about it – what’s it going to look like, everyday? What will my kids turn out like? Will I lose myself in the process, from all my hair-pulling, teeth gritting, self-sacrificing? What if I try to homeschool, and end up a failure?

So, I’d like to speak to that place, as a mama who has walked this road for a handful of years.

If you let it, parenting can be a crash course in burning selfishness and apathy straight outta your life. I mean, we’re talking about the next generation here, right? Talk about a ginormous responsibility. Homeschooling is like that, but on steroids. Still with me? I have some friends whose kids will act up (lie, hit, whine, whatever) over the weekend, and the parents will actually say, “Oh well, at least I get to send them back to school on Monday”. As if that character flaw  that has been deeply rooted in their souls since they took their first breath is not important because it won’t be our problem on Monday,but the teachers’?! Contrarily, if there’s no school to send them to on Monday, your whole perspective HAS to change, and good thing! This character issue needs to be dealt with now. So we pray for the strength to dig into the tough job of correcting our kiddos, and push on. And we are all better off for it.

I wasn’t born with my fair share of patience, so I was full of fear when we decided to start homeschooling. I knew it would be a big battle theme in my life, and it sure has. I have had some shining moments of patience, but also some very low lows (as my family can attest to). Homeschooling gives me the practice I need, day in and day out, to be slowly transformed into the woman that I know I someday want to be. I get plenty of practice asking for forgiveness, then simply trying again. Parenting is like this, but again, homeschooling puts it on steroids. There’s very little hiding, very little time to recoup. It’s trial by fire.

Homeschooling brings me to the end of my rope more often than parenting alone could. But I find God at the end, every time, without fail. He brings new hope to stand on, new techniques to teach them, new grace for my shortcomings. EVERY. TIME. Wouldn’t I be an idiot to trade that experience, that gift, that evidence of His love, for anything?

Homeschooling has taken on a life of its own, and I have marveled as I watch it shift, transform, adapt to our family’s constantly changing circumstances and capabilities. I have homeschooled through multiple pregnancies, births, incredibly busy seasons in life, supporting a husband who worked six jobs at once, changing churches, moving, filling volunteer positions at church, miscarrying, and caring for a chronically ill child. Not only does homeschooling NOT need to be stressful in these times, but it can and should flex through whatever our family is currently going through. There will be seasons where the kids and I accomplish endless hours of bookwork each week – and seasons where a lot of the “homeschooling” is real-life, on-the-job training for ourselves and our children. I.E, how do we adjust from having three kids to four? How do we function when Daddy is deployed for six months? What do we do when we’ve just lost a loved one? There is no right answer to these questions, and that’s what’s beautiful about homeschooling. Within our legal boundaries, homeschooling can and should take on many different forms over the years.

Homeschooling has very practical unseen benefits that most people don’t ever talk about. For instance, we never set alarms to wake up. A kid will take care of that We don’t have to get the kids ready to go anywhere when they’re still half asleep and grumpy. We don’t have papers to turn back into the teacher, student handbooks to

read, dress codes to follow, uniforms to purchase. (We do get a taste of some of these  things currently when our kids attend the Homeschool Academy on Wednesdays… and I’m not a huge fan!) Getting sent to the principal’s office is so much more fun when you’re actually headed to Daddy’s office upstairs to play a quick game of chess or an online real-time strategy game before the school day starts! And PTA meetings are a million times easier when you are both the parent AND the teacher. You don’t have to pull kids out of school for dentist appointments or checkups, you just go – and get the bookwork done before or after or even during the appointment. We don’t have to worry about school shootings, anyone teaching our children any colorful language or the theory of evolution, or a fellow classmate describing an incorrect interpretation of the birds and the bees to our six year old.

Homeschooling has allowed me to enjoy and love my children in a way that I knew it could, but didn’t see how it would. When we were still considering homeschooling, a family friend of mind who had eight children at the time told me, “I wouldn’t want to send my kids to school

all day- I would miss them!” At the time, my children were four-under-four, and couldn’t imagine that sentiment. I was tired, overstimulated, and dangerously under-showered. I actually couldn’t wrap my mind around how I could possibly not see school as a welcome respite from the day to day trials. But that was years ago, and the Lord has been working in my heart and in our relationships – and I now understand. I WOULD miss them like crazy. And I won’t ever give them up to go away every day without a fight.

Homeschooling was a major leap of faith for me, and then turned into one of my biggest “God met me there” stories of my life. He asked me to jump into the water without a life jacket, and I did, out of a desire to simply be obedient. I have been humbled to watch the Lord willingly walk with me throughout the whole journey. He has rewarded me. He has shown me glimpses of the fruit of my labors just when I needed them, and gave me the strength to keep going.

As far as my kids go, I have been amazed to see how homeschooling has set them apart from their peers a bit, as well. Homeschooled kids get the benefit of being around one or two pivotal caregivers who know them incredibly well, and have a vested interest in their lives and their success. This can provide a deep, unshakable sense of permanency and security in kids’ hearts.

The homeschoolers also have the privilege of having a full-time, front row seat to the “Mom and Dad” show – how do the parents navigate finances? What about conflict resolution? How do they speak to one another? Is there mutual respect, and is it clearly shown? Do they walk the walk or just talk the talk? Do they eat vegetables too, or just force me to? (Now there’s a doozy). Do they follow the rules, except when the rules are unjust and need to change? Do they drive the speed limit? When your kids are around you every single day, there’s very little opportunity to hide who you really are. And this is both for good and bad! But as Christian parents, I am thrilled to say that even my failures are teachable moments. Since we will all fail from time to time, I have the opportunity to teach my children to fail well – to be humble, to ask for forgiveness, to buck up and try again – or not.

Homeschooled kids are generally very good at interacting with people outside of their own age bracket, because they aren’t artificially age-segregated. Real life isn’t generally segregated – not at the playground, the grocery store, or our workplaces. (Modern church is, but that’s a different can of worms…) It’s so much fun to watch my 10-year old attend a men’s Bible study with my hubby every week, and actually have meaningful conversations with men decades his senior. Or to see my five-year-old walk up to a neighbor and talk to them like they’ve been friends for life. I don’t want them to see those things as strange – I want them to learn from all different shapes and sizes and ages and races of people, and to know that both they and everyone around them are fun and valuable in their own way.

One of the things I love the MOST about homeschooling is that my children have TIME on their hands. They can play Legos for hours a day and learn engineering and physics principles at age 7. They can make beautiful, thoughtful paintings without being interrupted by the bell. They can try their hand at writing novellas about going on absurd adventures with their siblings. They can take horseback riding lessons or music lessons, without a school schedule to work around. They can sit for 15 minutes and just tickle the newborn and discover that they love babies – or don’t They can play 4 rounds of Monopoly Deal with mama and be soothed by the fact that they are worth my time and attention. They can lay down for a couple of hours with a good book when they aren’t feeling tip top. They can watch YouTube videos on nauseatingly graphic eye surgeries or animal activists rescuing 11 puppies from a puddle of tar. They can bake cookies with mama and find out they LOVE the art of feeding people. All the while, they are unraveling the mystery that is themselves. And that will serve them incredibly well for the rest of their lives.

With all that said, I really can’t tell you what your homeschool would look like on a day-to-day basis, and that’s the great news! It can and will look so differently from one family to the next, depending on our personalities, circumstances, abilities, backgrounds. You can turn it into just about anything, make it fit who you are and who your kids are becoming. It is NOT public school at home. We don’t do eight hours, seven subjects a day for each child. We keep things simple, so that no one gets burned out. We’ve got a marathon mindset and are pacing ourselves for the best chance of success in the long run.

Good luck on this journey of deciding how to educate these children that you have been entrusted with for a time. It’s quite the adventure!

Stace

Coming Soon: Curriculum, “Me Time” and Toddlers – Oh My! How We Navigated Common Homeschooling Challenges”

The post Should I Homeschool? A Unique Approach to Help you Decide appeared first on Why Be Merely Human.

Yes, there is FREEDOM being offered!

The fact that you are here and reading this proves that there is hope for you – you have seen the ugly side of sexual addictions & perversions and are now seeking FREEDOM.

Perhaps these addictions or perversions promised you fulfillment and pleasure, but left you empty and disgusted with yourself. Perhaps they have begun to ruin your marriage, or your family, or even interfere with your job or your sleep. Whatever stage you are in, whatever has happened in your life – there is hope as long as you are alive.

I had a nasty dream last night. The kind where you wake up from it feeling profoundly guilty and can’t get back to sleep. But as I processed this dream and found freedom from it (small as it may be, I have been through this process many times), I felt compassion for the other friends out there in the world that are struggling with sexual addictions & perversions and have not yet found freedom. 

We live in a world where we are completely inundated by sexual content throughout our days. You simply can’t browse the news, drive on the freeway, look for a show on Netflix, or even check your email without being compromised. I sympathize with you, with all of the people who struggle with their sexuality – this is not easy. It is truly a war.

Let’s jump right in – how can we start finding FREEDOM?

1. Compartmentalize It!

One of the key ways that I find freedom is through compartmentalization – in other words, I separate myself from the feelings and thoughts (and dreams)  that I have, and don’t allow myself to take blame for them. Label and confront it – “This isn’t ME. It doesn’t define ME. It doesn’t reflect on ME.”

As I once heard someone creatively explain this phenomenon – “You don’t have any control over whether or not a bird flies over your head. But you DO have control over whether or not you allow it to make a nest in your hair!”

This same concept is true with sexual thoughts/feelings/dreams. We have little control over when or where they pop up – but we do have control over whether we let them stay. We also especially have control over whether or not we act on them. It is a difficult choice to make, and one that will take practice. But there is hope.

Which brings us to our next step to finding freedom:

2. Practice, Practice, Practice

To reiterate, we don’t have much control over certain external influences, or even internal influences (like our thoughts). But we have 100% control over what we choose to DO as a result. And this takes practice. It all comes down to a choice – will I reject these thoughts and feelings, or give in? Indulge them? Or even find enjoyment in them for a bit? Think ahead of time how you WANT to respond to these thoughts/feelings, then put that response into practice.

“If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it.” Genesis 4:7 NASB

3. Cling to Hope

The battle may not be easy, but it certainly is winnable! There is a God who offers victory over all Earthly things. We don’t have it within us to fight and win these battles. Perhaps for a time we can – but the key to freedom lies in supernatural power. The wonderful part is that that supernatural power is freely offered to us!

Sexual struggles can lead us straight to God – whether for the first time or the hundredth time. And when we are led to Him, He will show His faithfulness, and grant you your FREEDOM. If you haven’t seen this in practice before, you are severely missing out. The time is NOW to find freedom and move on! Whether it is a “small” addiction or problem, or one that has kept you in bondage for years and has wreaked havoc on your life and relationships, there is hope.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NLT

4. Bend over Backwards to Avoid Your Triggers!

We generally know ourselves well enough to know what causes us to struggle with sexual addictions. Common triggers include:

• A friend or a group of friends
• Browsing the Internet
• Watching shows/movies that promote and joke about sexual perversion, divergence (normalizing homosexuality, transgenderism, & masturbation), promiscuity, fornication (having sex outside of marriage)
• Certain feelings like being hungry, angry, disillusioned, disappointed, lonely
• Advertisements that use sex to sell
• Women or men who are inappropriately dressed in public
• The list goes on…

It’s completely up to you. If you desire freedom, then the triggers must be identified and completely removed. I realize this is much easier said than done! But the freedom is worth it. Remove these temptations and replace them with healthy media, relationships, and habits. I would bet that there is someone in your life who would be willing and able to help you make these changes – be bold and ask for help. Here are some ideas:

• If friends are encouraging you in the wrong ways, find new ones. Get a new job if needed – it will be worth it. A group that is aimed at bringing people freedom from temptation and addictions is a great place to start!
• If the internet is an issue, unplug it. Quit your internet provider. Only use Internet when you have a friend or are in a public place, like the library. This may seem drastic, but it will go a long way towards protecting you!
• Filtering the internet is also an excellent option, and may be free.  If you can administer your internet router and change the DNS settings, you can change those DNS settings. Check out the “OpenDNS Family Shield” for a simple, powerful, quick and free install option, or tune exactly what you want to filter with the “OpenDNS Home”.  You can even filter out known “time-waster” sites!
  
• If shows/movies are influencing you, toss them out. Fire Netflix and Hulu and Amazon Prime. Find other ways to fill your time, and you’ll soon find that you don’t even miss the shows that were pouring that junk into your life. (And don’t kid yourself that you or anyone else is “strong enough” to watch certain things. They are influencing you and shaping your life in ways you don’t need – whether you like it or not.)
• If your triggers have more to do with actual needs, like hunger or loneliness etc., get to the root of the problem. Learn to recognize the needs when they pop up and have a plan – “When I start feeling lonely, I am going to call _____, and make a plan to go to group on Wednesday.” “When I get hungry, I am going straight to the kitchen for (an apple) (some pie) (a burrito).” “When I feel angry, I’m going to allow myself to feel it fully, and then process it and let it go so it can’t continue to ruin my life.”
• If advertisements or scantily clad people cause you grief, learn the essential art of “bouncing” your eyes. As soon as you see something inappropriate or tempting, force your eyes away and onto something else until it has passed. Call it what it is. You may not have control over what you see in public, but you have complete control over how you allow it to control/affect you.

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” Galatians 5:13 ESV

5. Recognize Your Need for Supernatural Help

If you don’t know where to find this kind of help and freedom, message me. I have some good news for you.

And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you FREE!

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If you know me, you might know that I HATE sleeplessness with a great passion. I would take it so far as to say that sleep is my #1 idol. I have five young children, and don’t remember the last time I slept through the night without an interruption from them, myself, my husband, etc. I could view this as a major thorn in my side, silently fuming each and every night, martyring myself for my family, building up resentment for them and for my job as a mom. OR, perhaps I could allow God to make beauty from ashes (You are indeed so skillful at that, Lord), and accept that my background and experience in sleeplessness gives me ample credibility to write this post to you, dear sleepless friend.

Fact: I have experienced my fair share of sleeplessness.

Fact: I trust in a Big God, a God who HAS THINGS TO SAY to me in the middle of the night, when I feel like I *should* be sleeping.

Fact: He has things to say to you, too.

So here we are. That last sentence there was the punchline for the post, so no need to continue reading, really.

He has things to say to you, too.

I could go into great detail about how to fix your sleeplessness, because as I mentioned above, I have tons of experience in this area. I have researched sleeplessness to death, sought out doctors, medicated, supplemented, check-listed myself ’til I was blue in the face (and yet, still not asleep).

Sigh.

But the point of this post is actually not to help you get back to sleep (sorry!). The point is to invite you on a journey with me, to discover what God might have for us in these wee hours of the morning.

You ready? Ok.

Sleeplessness is a valuable opportunity. Our days are B.U.S.Y. No matter if you are a business executive, stay at home parent, fast food worker, or even just a couch potato, our days are filled with to-do lists and advertisements and MILLIONS of things clamoring for our attention. We constantly miss out on the best life has to offer. So sleeplessness usually affords us something we desperately need – silence.

It is in this silence that I finally allowed myself to receive a gift our Heavenly Father offers to us day in and day out. His rest, His peace, His comfort, His presence.

Don’t glaze over those words! How delightful they are! What promise they hold!

This morning, I brought some of my biggest struggles to Him and received answers and hope for each and every one.

Here is an excerpt from my journal. Some of you fellow moms might really resonate.

“We have been going 100 mph for months now. No, for years. Something inside of me is dying, or dead already… and I think I have a general idea why…

I haven’t been careful to keep what NEEDS to be in my life at the top of my priorities. I CANNOT choose the amount of sleep I get, & sleep is as basic as it gets, by definition! So if I cannot control something that basic, I am powerless. Right? Wrong!

Wrong!

I have just as much control over my life as I need…

It amazes me how much I love my job and how h.a.r.d. it is at the same time. It requires all of me, then demands more when I’ve got nothing left. It’s used and worn out my body. It’s caused me more health issues than I can even recall. It’s stolen my sanity, my patience, my sleep, my freedom, my independence, my control, my facades, my pride, my dreams, my figure, my priorities…

And I can say with confidence that this is ALL. BEAUTIFUL.

And I can’t possibly begin to write what my job has given to me. Only in eternity will I know the ways it has blessed and grown me into the woman God has made me to be.

So no, this journal entry will not include me boldly declaring what I must add, avoid, list, organize, WORK myself out of this uncomfortable problem (sleeplessness and exhaustion). It will include me humbly declaring,

“I trust in you, Lord; I say, “You are my God.” My times are in your hands.”

Psalm 31:14-15

You have proven Yourself FAITHFUL & WORTHY of my complete trust.

So take my sleeplessness.

Take my frustrations with my body, my health.

Take my attitude, mood swings, hormones.

Take my desires, dreams, and ambitions.

Take my fears and shortcomings.

DO AS YOU WILL.

When I am sleepless, do I turn to medications and supplements, or to You?

When I have extra time, do I entertain myself or press in to Your Word?

Do I resist a life of service to my God, my husband, my family, and others, or

…or AM I THE MOST BLESSED to have the PRIVILEGE to serve as Jesus did?

…

Does the amount of sleep I get determine the kind of day I will have? The kind of day my whole family will have?

Or is God alone my confidence?

Will I get sucked into the mainstream Not-enough-ism?

Or declare Your sufficiency in it all?

And will I live the rest of my life giving lip-service to Your Sovereignty while habitually wrestling You over the controls?

…”

Sleeplessness is a valuable opportunity. What will we make of it? And what is He waiting to say to you, to offer you in the midst of it?

Happy journeying, friend.

Stace

The post Sleeplessness appeared first on Why Be Merely Human.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. ⁹ “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰ Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? ¹¹ If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:7-11

I came from a faith background that did indeed believe the above verse – that God certainly knows how to give great gifts to His children. But I also tended to believe that He was calculating these gifts – He knew how to make a gift look awesome and appealing (a new job, the birth of a new child, marriage, intimacy, a talent…), but from the beginning He planned to use these gifts to grow us – which automatically entailed that the gifts came inextricably tied into pain, challenge, struggle and trial. So we accept these gifts, knowing that God is a generous and good God, but also bracing ourselves for the difficulty they come wrapped in. After all, we have no choice in the matter (Romans 9:20)… right?

But recently, I have been given some gifts from the Lord that have made me rethink this theology. I was recently given a gift from the Lord that was almost immediately influenced by others to the point that the gift was all but lost, in my opinion. But I didn’t fight the loss – I simply accepted that the gift was gone, and I needed to trust that God was in control and using this loss to grow me. But my Pastor challenged me on this – “Why did you so readily give the gift up? Do you feel you did not deserve it in the first place? Has God not made you worthy of His love once and for all? What does this situation say about you, and what does it say about what you are believing to be true about God?”

When I took real time to think these questions through, I realized he had hit the nail on the head. I had some deep-seated theology that was greatly affecting how I was handling this situation! I did NOT feel worthy of His great gift. I did NOT feel like I had the right to stand up for myself. I did NOT believe that God had deemed me holy and worthy, once and for all, with his work on the Cross!

“And by that will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all!” Hebrews 10:10

But perhaps I have strayed a little off topic

One thing I recognized that I had been falsely believing was that God created, allowed and used hard situations in life to grow me. As if the only goal was my growth. And this is MOSTLY truth – in that God does certainly allow hard things, and He does CREATIVELY and MIRACULOUSLY make beauty from ashes in our lives (Isaiah 61:3), but here’s where I was being deceived – I was believing that God was the Creator of these hard things. I believed that when He gave a gift, the gift was CREATED with the difficulty. Are you following me here?! It was a lie, “straight from the pit of Hell” as they say, that God creates any difficulty, struggle, trials, disease, death, etc.

God gives only good and perfect gifts.

God gives every good and perfect gift.

God does not create and send adversity. Sin came into the world through Adam and Eve and the result of sin is all kinds of varying struggles. And sin will reign in this world until our Lord Jesus comes again! And He IS coming again! (Philippians 3:20) Until then, God will continue to turn awful situations, pain and loss, heartache and grief into joy. Psalm 30:11-12
May He be praised for His great goodness and kindness – may He get all the credit for every good gift we ever receive – and may He NEVER get the credit for the bad ones!

Stacey Joy

But the free GIFT is not like the trespass. For if many died through one man’s trespass, much more have the grace of God and the free GIFT by the grace of that one man Jesus Christ abounded for many. Romans 5:15

I remind you to fan into flame the GIFT of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he GAVE us in Christ Jesus before the ages began. 2 Timothy 1

The post God’s Underhanded Gifts appeared first on Why Be Merely Human.

Anyone up for a wild romance?! We women are most definitely wired for it – we love the thrill of being pursued, feeling adored, being doted on. But for many of us, these ideas of romance have yet to become a reality. Instead, we often wind up with our expectations and hopes unmet, our dreams of what life should be like broken, feeling let down by the people in our lives.

All except One.

“A friend of mine recently said, “You know, Michelle, I haven’t heard you talk about a man in a long time. Are you seeing anyone?”

I said, “Oh yeah, I’m seeing somebody!”

She said, “Really! Tell me all about him!”

And I said, “Well, he’s very wealthy.”

“Really? Where does he get his money from?”

“Oh, he’s into real estate – owns everything!”

“Well, what does he do?”

“He’s VERY creative!”

She said, “Oooh! Tell me more!”

So I said, “Well, he’s very romantic – you know, no matter WHAT time I call him, he never puts me on hold, he always has time to hear me; wherever I want to go, he’s ready to go, too. He says I’m on his mind all the time. And you know what? When he promises me something, he always comes through! He never lies, he always shows up when he says he’s gonna show up – he’s just wonderful! He just makes me feel so loved. And he writes me these really LONG love letters that I read every morning!”

She said, (disbelievingly), “Really?! Ooh, he sounds so good! Well where is he, when are we gonna meet Him?!”

And I said, “Well, you can meet him anytime!”

“Well, where has he been?”

“He’s been off building me a house.”

“When will he be back?!”

“Any day now!”

Michelle McKinney Hammond, “How to Get Past Disappointment”, Session 2 – Who Is He?

Could a romance get any better than that?! Yes, there’s even more!

He leaves special gifts, some that are enormous and some that are subtle, for me to discover every day!

He randomly shows up unannounced, whether I’m at home or away, just to surprise me!

He entices me to go on weekend getaway retreats so we can spend time together.

He longs for MY voice, my affection, my attention and love.

Each morning, he brings me what I will need for the day – strength, companionship, courage. He tells me I can face whatever the day will bring because He’ll be with me every step of the way.

What’s important to me is important to Him, period.

He loves me passionately just the way I am. I don’t have to change a thing about my weight, appearance, personality. I am adored and accepted.

He is quick to forgive me when I mess up, am disrespectful, or miss our appointments

He handles my hurts with the utmost care and patience. He desires to help me on the path to healing and he doesn’t rush me.

He often wakes me up early just so we can spend some time together before the craziness of the day starts!

Does any of this appeal to you? Are  you ready for a romance like this, a romance with someone who will never let you down? Truly, every human being is wired to let us down. And we’re wired to let them down, too! If anyone else could fulfill all our needs and desires, we would have no reason to turn to our Heavenly Husband, the one who knows our hearts inside out and desperately wants to satisfy the longings in our soul!

It’s your move – He’s ready whenever you are to start (or to deepen) the romance between you two.

Pray with me.

Dear Lord,  I thank You that you are everything I need in this life and more. Thank You for knowing me inside and out and STILL loving me passionately. Thank You for placing this desire for wild romance in my heart and being the Only One who can fulfill the longings. Please help me to forgive those who let me down, and please help them to forgive me when I inevitably let them down, too. Father, I’m ready for the next level of romance with you. Help me to keep my heart open and soft. Amen.

He has caught all your tears in a bottle, counted the hairs on your head, and loves you with an Everlasting Love.

In Him,

Stacey Joy

The post A Wild Romance – Falling Madly in Love with God appeared first on Why Be Merely Human.

Today is Affection’s day.

What does that mean, exactly?

Many of us grew up in homes that were less than affectionate. Or homes that were downright devoid of appropriate affection. But…

Today is Affection’s day!

Today, you don’t live under the power of what others have (or have not) done to you, or for you. Although we were created to live interdependently, we will always be let down by those around us – because we are all human – but today, we realize that Jesus gives us the power to intentionally create our own legacies!

So how do we go about doing that? Let’s start with the basics.

We all need touch.

We need to have someone reach out and let us know that we are seen, heard, loved. Whether or not we have our own touch quota met, we can choose to be the source of healthy, soul-filling touch.

Your friends, your spouse, your children need the gift of your touch. Start with a simple pat on the back, or a gentle touch on the shoulder. Hugs are almost always an appreciated greeting, whether it’s been minutes or years since you’ve seen one another! Grow towards long spells of snuggling on the couch while watching a movie or holding hands while just talking.

I’ve been reading the book called “52 Things Kids Need from a Mom” by Angela Thomas, and her second chapter is centered around this issue. Angela confirms that kids NEED their moms to touch them often – a hug and a smile when you first see them in the morning, a gentle brush on their shoulder when you pass in the kitchen, a tender kiss on the forehead when you say goodnight. Whether we like it or not, we are each already passing on a legacy to our kids – will they someday grow up and shy away from hugs from people they love, but not know why? Or will they look back on their childhood and remember many, many such hugs, kisses, tickles and “I love you”s?

If you feel like you’re in need of more touch from the people you love, open the lines of communication right now. Choose the person whom you feel understands you and cares for you the most, and describe to them what you’re feeling and brainstorm some possible solutions with them. You matter!

Touch is a universal language. 

A simple touch speaks volumes about what you feel about a person.  Intentionally using this method of nonverbal communication can make a world of difference in the relationships that surround you.

Touching someone can break down boundaries from culture, age, or gender…

Touch can communicate acceptance, forgiveness, friendship, sympathy, comfort…

The way you respond to other’s touch also says a lot! Take some time right now to give thought to how you generally react to the way your friends, spouse, or children touch you, and what your responses are communicating to them. Are you unintentionally communicating that you’re too busy for them? Are you unintentionally communicating that you don’t ever want to hug *that* particular friend? Are you unintentionally communicating that you dislike being close to your children or your spouse?

Touch can heal.

Can you think back to a time when you were suffering, and someone’s touch sped up the healing process for you?

I recently miscarried twins. I went to the ER three times in the span of one week due to complications from the miscarriage. It had been a long time since I’d been in a hospital, and I was stunned by the sterility of it all. You were never touched except to have your IV placed or your blood pressure taken. And even then, it was clear that the touch was not meant to be affectionate or comforting – it was strictly business. But ONE nurse took the time to sit down, talk with me and ask questions because they wanted to know my heart, not because they had a chart to fill out. He provided tissue after tissue as I cried, sympathized with me, and yes – while sitting at the foot of my rigid ER bed, he reached out and placed his hand gently on my feet. He said nothing, but his touch communicated what I needed. I was not alone. I was not just another emergency. I was a person. My pain mattered. And I mattered enough for him to intentionally reach out and touch me and offer what help he could.

I came across this story the other day. Believe it or not – but it’s certainly applicable right now!

Take the Leap! Start NOW to change your habits of affection. Give it a little extra thought and effort and enjoy the benefits that will soon follow in your relationships!

Today, we choose to start forming our own legacies with power and intentionality!

Stacey Joy

The post Power of Affection appeared first on Why Be Merely Human.

“This is how I want you to pray now. Pray in secret – with the door open. I want them to see you being with Me. I want them to catch you turning to your Heavenly Father for guidance. I want them to learn from you how to walk with me. No dramatic presentation needed. No fanfare required. Angela, this is a new season with a new way. And this new way for your heart pleases me.”

What a breath of fresh air. In a way, Angela has given us all permission to allow life to change with the ebbs and flows. No need to be inflexible. Flexibility can be beautiful, and can usher in new depths of relationship with the Lord that we haven’t yet encountered!

I remember as a child seeing my mom, in varying stages of life, sitting quietly in her armchair and prioritizing time with the Lord. I am thankful for those little snapshots of faithfulness. I am glad that a deep part of me says, “This is the way a Godly woman walks with God.” Her little acts of random faithfulness, done in the midst of the home where her little one’s could see, has had generational implications!

So I don’t know about you – but I’m going to enjoy praying and meeting with God with my door wide open in the coming days!

May our Mommy’s hearts be filled with His unconditional love so that we, too, can impact future generations for GOOD!

Stacey Joy

The post When Praying in Secret is NOT the Way to Go appeared first on Why Be Merely Human.

You have my heartfelt sympathy and compassion. I have very recently been where you are and know how desperate you may feel right now. Sometimes the work of a home and a family can be absolutely suffocating. But I would like to offer you a moment of respite from the storm – and perhaps a little bit of hope that things can change.

Clear your schedule, dear Mama. Nothing will refresh your soul like taking a week off of running errands, playdates, homeschooling, writing, and whatever else tends to eat up your time. Of course, some things we simply can’t get rid of – but jettison anything at all that is expendable. Use your first day or two to just get your feet back under you. Spend time cuddling with the kids. Don’t create a grand lunch or dinner – choose to have leftovers or cereal or just fresh fruits and veggies with peanut butter. It’s really OK. Stay in your jammies. Take extra time to make yourself a cup of your favorite coffee or tea. Breathe deeply and listen to some restoring music.

If you’re like me, then the first thing that tends to go when you get too busy is your quiet time. Don’t beat yourself up – just get back on the bandwagon. It really is that simple. Put your kids in the bathtub and read your Bible for a few minutes right next to them. Take your journal outside and sit nearby while they play. Give up the idea of 2 or 3 hours of solitude and quiet! God can and will work within whatever space your current life situation will allow. Just have a heart that desires to meet with Him and He will make a way.

I have recently felt the bulk of the weight of housework lift from my shoulders – part of this is largely due to the fact that my youngest kiddo is now almost 2, but the other piece to the puzzle has simply been my resolve to love my family well through just doing it. That’s right. I don’t put my housework on a schedule at any level. I leave my schedule open to flexibility, and when I pass a sinkful of dirty dishes, I stop what I’m doing and start cleaning. Same with laundry or a floor that is screaming to be swept. Just do it! So what if you get interrupted? Most chores can easily be paused and resumed later. If you have children who are old enough to help, then don’t forget that it’s healthy for them AND for mama if they are trained to help. Older children (anyone above 5) who have been taught to notice messes and deal with them quickly and without being asked are a great asset to any family.

The point is not to have a clean home. The point is to love every person who lives there, and any other person who might walk through our doors. Floors don’t have to be perfect, toys don’t have to be out of sight. But take a little time to create beauty and peace in your little corner of the world – you and yours will be glad that you did. Candles, soft music and pleasant scents go a long way to providing rest to weary souls, even if there are legos underfoot and grime in the bathroom sink!

In Large Family Logistics (this is NOT an affiliate link, it’s only here for convenience), mother Kim Brenneman wrote two incredibly useful chapters called Moving Beyond Survival Mode and Coping While Exhausted and Overwhelmed . A few of her tips included working for 10 minute spurts and taking a 10-minute break. She outlines basic ideas for putting simple morning, afternoon and evening routines in place to create a sense of stability in your days. She even suggests having pre-chosen outfits for each day of the week so that you don’t waste time staring at your wardrobe each day! (What, that’s not just me?!) But to really get to the heart of it, she offers insight and encouragement – you are not alone. There are many mothers who know exactly what you are going through and can help you overcome! If you are overwhelmed mama, I would highly suggest finding this book at the library and seeing if Kim’s suggestions will work for you. (If  you’re in the Denver area, shoot me a message and you can borrow my copy of her book!)

I’ve also been reading Desperate by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson (this is also NOT an affiliate link). It is another of my highly recommended books to find “hope for the mom who needs to breathe”. It’s a beautifully synergistic relationship between older mother Sally and younger mother Sarah. You get a precious peek into their rare Godly mentoring relationship and are honored to watch as Sarah has grown as a mother because of the time and effort Sally has poured into her.

Dear precious mama, please take a minute to text or call someone who cares about you. Tell them honestly (and perhaps tearfully) where you’re at and ask humbly for help. At the very least, know that they will be praying and rooting for you in your journey. I am too.

You are blessed among women, and the Lord has great plans in store for you!

Stacey Joy

The post To the Mama Overwhelmed with Housework appeared first on Why Be Merely Human.

I am a young mother of a few small children. I write this letter from my heart and hope that it speaks to yours.

I need you.

Did you know that?

Myself and many of my fellow young mothers found ourselves getting married, buying our first homes, and having our first babies without enough practical preparation. As a whole, we are a generation of confused and overwhelmed mamas, desperate for mentors and teachers, desperate for vision, desperate for hope.

Many of our own mothers worked outside of the home full or part time.

Many of our own mothers may have been present physically – but not available emotionally.

Many of our own mothers bought into the lies that the Enemy and our culture propagated that told them that housework and childrearing are disposable jobs that could easily be offloaded to maids or daycares while they pursue their “true” life’s work. 

Many of our own mothers weren’t taught by their own mothers.

And perhaps you weren’t, either.

Glory be to God Almighty that there is hope for you, there is hope for me, there is hope for each one of us!

Because truly, families without hope equals a world without hope.

God had a plan for avoiding this breakdown of the sanctity of motherhood. But now that we’re experiencing it firsthand, the same plan now has a different purpose – to undo the damage that’s been done. The plan is written simply, to us, in Titus 2:

³ Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, ⁴ and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, ⁵ to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Vision for parenting and childrearing is to be passed on from generation to generation. Not only in books and blogs and homemaking seminars, but in the daily nitty-gritty of life. In woman to woman talks, in my living room, in your kitchen.

Practical tips for parenting and childrearing are to be passed on from generation
to generation. Why should every generation of new mothers have to wade through massive amounts of information and articles and “how-to’s” to figure out the most simple things in life?

A heart for home, husband and youngsters is to be passed on from generation to generation. No more of this affair with apathy and flirting with falsities – it’s time to proclaim that our work on the homefront is among the most important work known to mankind – and that it can and does and WILL impact eternity. 

And indeed, every one of us is an “older woman”. We are ALL Older in one way or another, whether it be spiritually or literally, than other women in our lives. I’m calling you out. It is time to take responsibility.

Therefore, it starts with you. And it starts with me. And together, we can change the direction we’re headed. We can actually offer hope to our own daughters, to our own neighbors, to the very world!

And so – I strongly plead with you to prayerfully consider Titus 2:3-5.

Ask God to show us, all of us, what it might mean to become Titus 2 women. Ask Him to open our eyes to see the implications our choices have had, as well as what changes we must make to see this dream become reality.

For all women, everywhere, and “that the word of God may not be reviled”.

Stacey Joy

The post Dear Older Woman appeared first on Why Be Merely Human.

Essential Oils are a relatively new love of mine. Since I discovered them a little over a year ago, I have used them for everything from cleaning the house, to healing sicknesses, to aromatherapy (all day, every day, thanks to my handy dandy diffuser!), to healing cavities, to easing aches and pains… the list is endless.

But I also have a special soft spot in my heart for pregnancy and babies, and for my precious friends who are either pregnant or nursing right now – so I thought I’d combine the two passions and help you navigate how to use essential oils safely during pregnancy and nursing!

(And now that I’ve discovered Eden’s Garden as a very affordable, effective, charitable, and faith-based alternative to the more popular MLM companies, I am thrilled to be able to use my essential oils more often and not worry about the cost, or worry about sacrificing quality.)

To start with, some practitioners suggest avoiding ALL essential oils during your first trimester since they have strong medicinal properties. Some oils should not be used at any point during pregnancy. With that in mind, let’s sort through how to use essential oils safely during pregnancy and nursing:

Roman & German Chamomile

Safe for Pregnancy? No. These oils are often used to combat emotional imbalances as they have very soothing, calming properties. They are both excellent at treating skin conditions such as eczema, rashes, burns, bites, stings, and itching. However, both German and Roman Chamomile are uterine stimulants (meaning, they can cause contractions or trigger menstrual flow) and therefore should not be used during pregnancy.

Safe for Lactation? Probably. Both Roman and German Chamomile are considered safe during breastfeeding – and they can actually be used to soothe sore breasts and nipples.

Clary Sage

Safe for Pregnancy? No. Clary Sage often promotes feelings of joy, well-being, and elation, which also makes it a prime candidate for combatting emotional imbalances. However, it is also NOT for use during pregnancy since it, too, is a uterine stimulant and can increase blood pressure.

Safe for Lactation? Probably not. This oil is debated for safety of use during lactation, and so is best to avoid.

Peppermint

Safe for Pregnancy? No. Among other reasons, Peppermint can increase blood pressure and so should be avoided during pregnancy.

Safe for Lactation? Depends. Peppermint can be used to dry up or decrease your milk supply – therefore, use peppermint only when this is the goal you would like to achieve.

Wintergreen

Safe for Pregnancy? No. According to Eden’s Garden, “Wintergreen may have negative effects on young children, nursing women, pregnant and those suffering with liver or kidney disease.” Wintergreen should not be used on your skin or taken internally, unless in small quantities occurring naturally in the foods you are eating.

Safe for Lactation? No. See above. Wintergreen may be toxic to nursing infants.

Eucalyptus

Safe for Pregnancy? No. Eucalyptus is known to increase blood pressure as well and should be avoided during pregnancy. It’s also considered toxic when taken internally.

Safe for Lactation? Generally not considered safe for lactation either.

Cinnamon

Safe for Pregnancy? No. Also known as a uterine stimulant. It is also considered unsafe for even dietary use except in small, infrequent quantities.

Safe for Lactation? Generally not considered safe in essential oil form. Cinnamon is safe for dietary use during nursing, but some babies may object to the way it flavors a mother’s milk!

Other oils considered UNSAFE for pregnancy and lactation include Aloe, Anise, Basil, Bay, Bergamot, Cassia, Cedarwood, Dandelion, Clove, Cypress, Elemi, Fennel, Garlic, Ginger, Juniper, Lemongrass, Marjoram (uterine stimulant), Nutmeg, Parsley (except in small amounts naturally found in food), Pine, Red Clover, Sweet Basil, Thyme, Yarrow, and Ylang Ylang. Talk to your healthcare provider if you wish to use a specific essential oil during your pregnancy!

 

How Essential Oils Can Help Nursing Mamas

Word to the wise: when using any oil directly on the nipple or breast, it’s wise to wash it off before your next feeding.

Mastitis (Breast Infection) and Clogged Breast Ducts – Lavender works miracles for clogged milk ducts! Apply 1-2 drops to the affected breast, avoiding the nipple, and massage gently. Repeat use until you get relief. For Mastitis, Melaleuca (Tea Tree) and Oregano oils are recommended. Use with alternating hot and cold compresses multiple times a day for short periods of time (5-10 minutes). Raw cabbage leaves are also a popular remedy for clogged ducts! Simply place a cabbage leaf inside of your bra, directly against your breast. Replace with a new leaf when it becomes wilted and warm.

Sore, Cracked, Dry, Painful Nipples – Lavender wins again! It is wonderfully effective in treating most skin conditions. Simply rub directly on the nipple after nursing, then make sure to wash your nipple off before nursing baby. Calendula and Roman or German Chamomile can also be used to heal nipples.

Increasing Milk Supply – In addition to getting adequate rest, nutrition, and hydration, essential oils such as Fennel, Basil and Nettles are widely known to increase a lacking breastmilk supply. Fennel should not be used more than 10 days in a row! Basil and Nettles (not stinging nettles) can be used more regularly. These oils can be rubbed (1-2 drops) directly onto breast tissue (avoid the nipple).

Oversupply / Engorgement – Peppermint can be used directly on the breast tissue to help decrease milk supply. Sage, Jasmine, Parsley, Stinging Nettles (not nettles), and Yarrow can also decrease breastmilk supply.

How to Use Essential Oils for Specific Pregnancy Complaints and Concerns

In general, oils that are considered safe for use during pregnancy AFTER the first trimester include citrus oils (Orange, Lemon, Lime, Tangerine and Grapefruit – however, Bergamot’s safety is debated), Lavender, Patchouli, Tea Tree (Melaleuca), and Ylang Ylang, Jasmine, Rosewood, Neroli, and Geranium.

But what to use when you have a specific complaint or concern?

Early Labor  – Lavender can be used to calm an over-stimulated uterus, or simply to ease a tired mama. For early labor, rub Lavender directly on the belly or place 1-4 drops Lavender essential oil in a tub of bath water and soak.

Aches and Pains – Lavender can also soothe those pregnancy aches and pains! Rub directly on the problem area. Use in conjunction with rest, stretching, icing, and/or soothing baths to help create long-lasting ache relief.

Headaches – Frankincense should be rubbed directly on the temples. You may experience relief in 5 minutes or less!

Heartburn and Nausea – Lemon can be rubbed directly on your belly or throat/upper chest area to help calm these common pregnancy symptoms.

Sadness, Depression, Anxiety – Lavender and Ylang Ylang.

Fatigue – Grapefruit and Lime are known to be energy boosters! Apply to the back of the neck or use in aromatherapy.

High Blood Pressure – You may have guessed it this time – Lavender again!

Swelling – Lavender directly on the swelling site can help reduce pregnancy-related swelling of hands, feet, ankles and even the face.

Breech Baby – It may be an old wives’ tale, but it certainly has helped some women – rubbing peppermint on the top of your belly may help “cool” that area of your belly down enough to encourage the baby to turn itself. Myrrh is also said to help align, balance and “righten”, and so could also be useful. Might as well try!

Stretch Marks – Lavender rubbed on the belly 1-2 times daily will help you avoid developing new stretch marks. If you have “old” stretch marks, Lavender can help lighten their appearance.

This may not be a complete list of safe and unsafe essential oils for pregnancy and nursing – so use wisdom and always check with your healthcare provider before using essential oils to treat any condition!

I wish you and your family well. May you be blessed on your journey in motherhood!

Stacey Joy

The post Essential Oils Safety During Pregnancy & Nursing! appeared first on Why Be Merely Human.