children Archives - Why Be Merely Human https://whybemerelyhuman.com/tag/children/ Wed, 10 Jun 2015 20:50:53 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Power of Affection https://whybemerelyhuman.com/power-simple-touch/ https://whybemerelyhuman.com/power-simple-touch/#comments Wed, 10 Jun 2015 20:50:53 +0000 https://whybemerelyhuman.com/?p=660 I love how our lives and our days were Divinely created to offer us fresh starts repeatedly. Each day is new. Each morning we have a...

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I love how our lives and our days were Divinely created to offer us fresh starts repeatedly. Each day is new. Each morning we have a chance to make different and empowered choices. Each sunrise offers new hope and new mercy. Well, I’ve decided that…

Today is Affection’s day.

What does that mean, exactly?

Many of us grew up in homes that were less than affectionate. Or homes that were downright devoid of appropriate affection. But…

Today is Affection’s day!

Today, you don’t live under the power of what others have (or have not) done to you, or for you. Although we were created to live interdependently, we will always be let down by those around us – because we are all human – but today, we realize that Jesus gives us the power to intentionally create our own legacies!

So how do we go about doing that? Let’s start with the basics.

We all need touch.

We need to have someone reach out and let us know that we are seen, heard, loved. Whether or not we have our own touch quota met, we can choose to be the source of healthy, soul-filling touch.

Your friends, your spouse, your children need the gift of your touch. Start with a simple pat on the back, or a gentle touch on the shoulder. Hugs are almost always an appreciated greeting, whether it’s been minutes or years since you’ve seen one another! Grow towards long spells of snuggling on the couch while watching a movie or holding hands while just talking.

I’ve been reading the book called “52 Things Kids Need from a Mom” by Angela Thomas, and her second chapter is centered around this issue. Angela confirms that kids NEED their moms to touch them often – a hug and a smile when you first see them in the morning, a gentle brush on their shoulder when you pass in the kitchen, a tender kiss on the forehead when you say goodnight. Whether we like it or not, we are each already passing on a legacy to our kids – will they someday grow up and shy away from hugs from people they love, but not know why? Or will they look back on their childhood and remember many, many such hugs, kisses, tickles and “I love you”s?

Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives.

CS Lewis

If you feel like you’re in need of more touch from the people you love, open the lines of communication right now. Choose the person whom you feel understands you and cares for you the most, and describe to them what you’re feeling and brainstorm some possible solutions with them. You matter!

Touch is a universal language. 

A simple touch speaks volumes about what you feel about a person.  Intentionally using this method of nonverbal communication can make a world of difference in the relationships that surround you.

Touching someone can break down boundaries from culture, age, or gender…

Touch can communicate acceptance, forgiveness, friendship, sympathy, comfort…

The way you respond to other’s touch also says a lot! Take some time right now to give thought to how you generally react to the way your friends, spouse, or children touch you, and what your responses are communicating to them. Are you unintentionally communicating that you’re too busy for them? Are you unintentionally communicating that you don’t ever want to hug *that* particular friend? Are you unintentionally communicating that you dislike being close to your children or your spouse?

Touch can heal.

Can you think back to a time when you were suffering, and someone’s touch sped up the healing process for you?

I recently miscarried twins. I went to the ER three times in the span of one week due to complications from the miscarriage. It had been a long time since I’d been in a hospital, and I was stunned by the sterility of it all. You were never touched except to have your IV placed or your blood pressure taken. And even then, it was clear that the touch was not meant to be affectionate or comforting – it was strictly business. But ONE nurse took the time to sit down, talk with me and ask questions because they wanted to know my heart, not because they had a chart to fill out. He provided tissue after tissue as I cried, sympathized with me, and yes – while sitting at the foot of my rigid ER bed, he reached out and placed his hand gently on my feet. He said nothing, but his touch communicated what I needed. I was not alone. I was not just another emergency. I was a person. My pain mattered. And I mattered enough for him to intentionally reach out and touch me and offer what help he could.

I came across this story the other day. Believe it or not – but it’s certainly applicable right now!

Take the Leap! Start NOW to change your habits of affection. Give it a little extra thought and effort and enjoy the benefits that will soon follow in your relationships!

Today, we choose to start forming our own legacies with power and intentionality!

Stacey Joy

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Encouragement for Parents https://whybemerelyhuman.com/encouragement-for-parents/ https://whybemerelyhuman.com/encouragement-for-parents/#respond Tue, 04 Nov 2014 14:21:58 +0000 https://whybemerelyhuman.com/?p=307 Parenting is tough! I don’t know about  you, but there are days when I feel like there’s no way I can go on. Thankfully,...

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Parenting is tough!

I don’t know about  you, but there are days when I feel like there’s no way I can go on. Thankfully, I know where to turn on days like that to get a healthy dose of perspective and truth!

Encouragement for Parents

Psalm 127:3

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.”

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Why doesn’t it feel like it’s true sometimes? Our culture has almost entirely lost sight of this fundamental truth. Daycare centers on every corner, promotions for abortion and birth control left and right, moms complaining to one another in the supermarket and the coffee shop and the gym about their kids’ outlandish behaviors… and now families with 3 or more kids are considered “large”! Let us choose to remember that each one of them is not an interruption, distraction, or a frustration – but a gift and a reward and a blessing.

Colossians 1:28-29

“Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all His energy that He powerfully works within me.”

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Why on Earth did I have kids?! Time for a little perspective refresh. We parents are world-changers – one diaper, one time-out, one runny nose at a time. Our ultimate goal is working to present these little ones mature in Christ – and this takes time and perseverance. The key to success here – we are working with Christ’s energy, not our own. Ours = limited. Christs = limitless!

Galatians 6:9

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

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Rah, rah, mamas and papas! You were MADE for this job and you were chosen as THEIR parents for a very special purpose. We may not see it yet, but that’s what faith is for! Hope for what we cannot see just yet.

Colossians 4:17

“See that you fulfill the ministry that you have received in the Lord.”

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Parenthood is a high calling, a ministry directly from the hand of the Lord. Let’s make it our aim to treat it as such.

Proverbs 11:24-25

One gives freely, yet grows all the richer;
    another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want.
Whoever brings blessing will be enriched,

     and one who waters will himself be watered.”

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It’s beautiful how generosity works! God’s math isn’t our math. 1 hour spent on teaching kids how to be kind to their siblings does NOT mean that you have 1 hour less. Each ounce of energy, each minute, each correction will all reap exponential benefits in our children’s lives. Give, give, give and give, and wait and see how the Lord uses it to not only bless your children, but you as well.

1 Thessalonians 2:7

“We were gentle among you, like a nursing mother caring for her own children.

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Clearly, Paul thought it was common sense that a nursing mother is gentle while caring for her children. But let’s take it a little beyond the surface. The proverbial “mother” in this verse is a nursing mother, meaning she has a very young baby, most likely under the age of 1. On top of that, she has other mentioned children, plural. I was in this stage of life just recently, although now my littlest is weaned. And it is tough.

Sometimes, the last word I would use to describe myself was “gentle”. The so-called little years are incredibly challenging – from the sleep deprivation to the countless poopy diapers to the 10 spills each day to the spit up on your shirt to the battles of will with your toddler(s)…

But perhaps we need to adjust our focus while in these little years. Focus on the snuggles. The incredible smell of newborn baby hair. The nearly endless giggles. The joy of hearing your toddler learning new words. The look of wonder on her face as she discovers new things in the world around her each day. The trips to the park, and the zoo, and the fire station! The chubby thighs (ahem… I mean, the baby’s). The countless ways that they make your life brighter, livelier, and so much more fun.

Proverbs 29:15, 17, 19

15 The rod and reproof give wisdom,
    but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
17 Discipline your son, and he will give you rest;

     he will give delight to your heart.
19 By mere words a servant is not disciplined,
    for though he understands, he will not respond.”

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Enough said? I encourage you to not be one of those parents who yell and threaten and warn their kids and never follow through. All you’re teaching the child is that they have control over you and over the situation – because they know you won’t really do anything. Set clear expectations with consequences, follow through, and you will enjoy rest.

Philemon 8

“Accordingly, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required, yet for love’s sake I prefer to appeal to you.”

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I take this verse to help remind me that there’s never a “one size fits all” way to interact with our children. Sometimes we truly must command obedience from them – especially in times when their safety is on the line. Other times our children need gentle, thoughtful and patient explanations as to why we’re asking them to do something. Thankfully, we have the Holy Spirit living inside of us, and following His lead, we can know every time which approach is best to use.

2 Timothy 3:16-17

“All scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work. “

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Every minute spent in the Bible will yield fruit. The more we plant God’s word in our heart, the more readily available it is for our children when they need it. Truly, until they are old enough to have their own relationship with the Lord and to read their Bible on their own, and be accountable for their own souls, the responsibility is on us to bathe them in the Word. Help them make God an integral part of their lives now.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

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It’s so beautiful to think of a home that is so filled with the Word that it would literally be written on the walls and doorposts, while the moms and dads speak it to their children day in and day out, and even the children are learning to speak it to one another! What steps can we take to make our homes look like this?

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up.”

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Too often as parents do our interactions with our children center mainly around what they’re doing wrong. Don’t hit your sister. Don’t slam the door. Don’t leave your underwear on the floor… let’s make it a point to use our words much more often to build them up, to tell them what they’re doing right! Great job speaking in kind words! Thank you for hanging up your jacket where it belongs! Wow, I’m impressed that you worked so hard on your homework today!

1 Thessalonians 5:11

“Masters, treat your slaves justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in Heaven.”

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Talk about sobering. Like a master and a slave, we have been placed in a position of authority over our children. An unkind master lords it over his slaves – a kind master maintains control and authority while being inclusive, tender-hearted and understanding. An unkind master makes demands without any explanation. An unkind master is harsh and unfeeling – a kind master is gentle. An unkind master punishes – a kind master puts forth and enforces clear consequences for your benefit. An unkind master makes demands – a kind master helps set realistic goals. May our children look back on their childhood and view us as a kind master, a fair and wise parent.

Colossians 1:9-11

“And so… we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy!”

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Let’s not forget to pray for them. Life can get so busy that we forget this most basic ingredient for success.

Numbers 11:13-14

“Where am I to get meat to give to all this people?… I am not able to carry all this people alone; the burden is too heavy for me.”

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Oh, Moses. I sympathize!

Moses and I have made a big mistake – we have forgotten that the Israelites (and my children) are ultimately entirely the Lord’s responsibility. Yes, we have been put in a role of leadership and stewardship over them, but the outcome is in the Lord’s hands. All the Lord requires of us is the things that we are capable of, that we have some control over – training, correcting, consistency, PRAYER, encouragement, setting a good example, establishing relationship… and then He delights in accomplishing what we could never accomplish on our own!

When Moses cried out to the Lord for help, the Lord answered right away and sent in reinforcements (Numbers 11:16-17). And the Lord delights in doing the same for us.

And last but not least, a passage that’s pretty self-explanatory, yet oh-so important for us parents to keep before us at all times:

Colossians 3:12-17

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.IMG_9591

It's up to you...

how can you use this in your life?

 

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